Birthday Celebrations!! (Big 25!!)

I am not talking about a specific scripture tonight, rather I want to reflect on what this week means to me and my recent experience.

As I'm sure ALL of you know by now my birthday is coming up soon (in just 5 days to be exact in case you've lost count) and in typical Stefanie fashion, I celebrate my birthday for at least a week if not more. Most everyone in my life knows this, they know that I just anticipate this day coming and always make it into a huge celebration every year. The way I choose to look at it is, why shouldn't we celebrate the fact that we were given another year of life & celebrate starting a brand new year of our life?? God blesses us each and every day, and while we may not celebrate his blessings on a daily basis, I sure don't see anything wrong with celebrating the start of a new year once a year!! (and what better day than my birthday?!)

Well this year, I am looking at things with a little bit of a different perspective than in past years. I'm assuming if you're reading this then you know me fairly well and are aware that I went through a break-up at the start of the summer. Even though this relationship was on-again, off-again for 2 and a half years, it was one of the hardest relationships I've ever had to move on from. I guess because I thought it was the real deal. (FYI, I'm not telling you this for any pity or sympathy....quite the opposite actually). 

After 2 months of shame, dealing with hurt and anger, gaining more respect for myself and building back up my confidence, I've gained a new perspective on things and decided that with my birthday right around the corner, what better time to "Start a New Beginning" so to say. That's exactly what I wanted to do! I had thrown away all those negative emotions that were holding me back and keeping me from moving on, I had worked through them, accepted them and gotten past them. The idea was given to me to have a ritual to symbolize this New Start/New Me/New Beginnings. So since I generally celebrate my birthday for a good long week (sometimes longer) I decided to have the ritual tonight. 

Weeks prior to this I had written a letter getting all of my emotions out on paper. I often will encourage clients to write letters to get any and all of their negative emotions out in order to "let go" and move forward in the relationship. It's a very therapeutic tool that helps to improve a relationship with someone or move on from the loss of a deceased loved one. So I thought that was the perfect tool to use to let go of all of the feelings I've been experiencing in order to move on....

Words can't even describe how I felt tonight....I did this with a very close friend....we went outside, We started out in prayer. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn't even speak but this kind friend prayed over me. She then took the letter I wrote and read it out loud to me (what a moving experience that was, hearing my words out loud). All those tears I had been shedding, the sadness/anger I was holding onto....(it was the craziest feeling).....was gone, it was like the holy spirit just took it off of me and truly, Honest to God, made me "let it go"! After she finished the letter I took it, we burned it on the cement. We didn't end it there though, we then got a paper lantern and went to the street outside, lit the lantern, and we LET. IT. GO. (words cannot describe how I felt). As we watched the lantern fly away into the air....a wave of positive emotions filled me. I not only was letting go of a burden of negative emotions but I was letting go of the lantern carrying the flame. SUCH A STRONG SYMBOL!! & such a PERFECT way to start off my birthday celebrations!! We then ended it in prayer, I praised God for the experience and for the strength he had given me through the entire experience.

I can honestly say that the Holy Spirit was working through me tonight. I can honestly say that I am letting go now. There is no point in allowing these negative emotions to drag me down like chains on my feet. I am free now & I know, without a doubt, that wouldn't be the case if it weren't for God's Grace. 

I am going to carry on in my birthday celebrations this week (and who knows maybe there will be another post on here) and come Monday (MY BIRTHDAY!!) as I enter into a new year of my life, I am anticipating what Blessings God is going to bring my way. 

Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Early Riser

Proverbs 31:15 "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls."

Are you an early riser or a night owl??

I'm definitely a night owl, I enjoy staying up late. I am NOT a morning person AT ALL. I prefer to sleep in until 7:30 approximately and get started with my day around that time. 

The Proverbs 31 Woman  rises VERY early. Before dawn. 

Now, I look at that and think, Yea, right...that ain't gonna happen! 

2 things that scripture mentions the Proverbs 31 woman doing in the morning is:

1. Providing food for her family &
2. Providing portions for her servant girls.

Getting up in the morning gives you the time to decide the rest of the day's meals and maybe set aside some ingredients for it or get some meat out of the freezer to start to thaw out. It means starting breakfast for your family, also. (That sounds easy enough) Now, I know we don't have servants anymore, but items such as dishwasher, washer/dryer, vaccuum, etc. are considered our modern day "servants" and lighten the load for us tremendously! So in other words, getting up early is doing some cleaning around the house, throwing a load of laundry in, starting up the dishwasher, or ironing the clothes for your spouse. 

It's funny that the subject of rising early was this post's theme because I've recently been thinking about changing up my morning routine. I would like to start working out more and I would like to be reading my bible or doing a daily devotion each day. I think if I get up just half an hour earlier that gives me a chance to work-out and fit in a devotional/bible reading. I think that time with God is SO important. It quite possibly could be the only time during the day that we have that is quiet and ALONE with God. No children, no co-workers/clients, no family/spouse, and no interruptions from the cell phone (that is if you leave it off during this time). 

So what I really need to focus on for myself and what I encourage all of you to focus on is: Self-discipline & time management. I often find at the end of every day that there just wasn't enough time to get everything on my to-do list done! That can be so frustrating. By getting up early, you can make a list of what you all hope to accomplish throughout your day and deciphering a time to get that done. It means disciplining yourself to stand by that list and holding yourself accountable. 

What I want to do is start out my day with prayer then devotional, then write a list in my planner for the week of any big things that need to get done and decipher which days I'll get each item done. There is nothing more rewarding than starting your day out in prayer and being alone "with God" in quiet peace. I know for some of you mothers out there, that getting quiet time is very difficult, but if we give that added time to God each day, it can not only deepen our relationship with him but it can deepen our understanding, it can bless us in more ways than one! I truly believe that starting your day out with "time with God" is going to help you be more positive throughout your day and is going to keep you more grounded in your ways. I just think it keeps our minds focused on what's important, on what really matters, and on God and his ways.

I hope this is helpful for you ladies & if you have any tips for myself and others reading this, please feel free to comment below & share your thoughts!!

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

I am.......Enough

I need to go on a little rant....off of the subject of what it takes to be a Proverbs 31 woman....to talk about something that all women have dealt with/currently deal with/battle daily. This is something that has been on my heart and mind for quite a few weeks now, and I've finally gotten the courage to tackle this issue head on, for myself, in order to make myself a better (stronger?) woman. I hope it can help you out too...

I want to talk about Self-Worth

First let's define it:

• The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect (dictionary.com)
• The opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself (yourdictionary.com)

The Bible talks about self-worth quite a bit, I read a handful of scriptures that talk about self-worth, and came up with 3 that I think hit the nail on the head that I want to share with you. 

Jeremiah 29:11 (this is quoted straight from The Message: the Bible in Contemporary Language)

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed (God's Decree)"

Luke 12:6-7

"What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail--even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries."

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down, he'll never let you be pushed past your limit, he'll always be there to help you come through it."

Those verses speak volumes...to me anyways. 

There's no way to give you the "condensed version" so I'm just going to put my whole story out there in hopes that you all will respect what I'm sharing on here. I recently started seeing a therapist, to help me take care of my mental health and not put it on the back burner anymore...and since I started seeing her, I've gained a whole new perspective on things! It's really been an amazing process, and I'm just getting started on it! We all have things that occurred in our childhood that may have permanently scarred us or left us "bruised". I know I do....and all my life (up until this point) I've been living with that "scar" (for lack of a better word). But the thing is, I don't want to live with it anymore....I don't want to use it as a crutch as to why I am the way I am anymore, I want to be able to own (confidently) who I am. & that's hard to do....

I'm not really sure I've ever had much self-worth to be honest with you...I'm not sure I've ever truly felt "good enough". That's a common term, right? Such as: I'm not______ enough-- you fill in the blank: skinny, pretty, tall, confident, rich, smart, good, etc. Who is telling you these things? Who is the critic repeating those phrases to you? The critic is our worst enemy and do you know who it is? IT'S YOU! You are your worst critic....that's so true! I am my worst critic. Is that hard for you to believe?

We need to be kinder to ourselves, and that's the first step to gaining more self-worth. Be kind to YOU. I started with one simple change, changing your self-talk. On a daily basis I make sure to tell myself, "You ARE worth it", or "You ARE enough", or "You are perfect". It's not just saying these things to yourself but it's believing it.

Now I'm sure we've all felt worthless from time to time in different areas of our lives, but for me specifically it's been in relationships with others. Due to circumstances in my childhood, I have never felt good enough (there it is again) for any man that I've dated...or some of the father figures that walked in and back out of my life, that just added to the fire of me not feeling worthy. I would carry that feeling of worthlessness with me into every relationship. It's like walking down the street dragging a heavy draw-string bag full of heavy bricks...it brings you down, it wears you out, it's exhausting. Due to that feeling of worthlessness, I would make decisions in my relationships to feed that emotion rather than making decisions to match my morals/values. That's not right, you make decisions based on your values not based on a temporary feeling. Because then it's only a temporary fix (a band-aide) and eventually the band-aide will fall off and that feeling will arise again. No more band-aides, no more shame....I am letting it go....and no it's not easy, it takes courage, compassion, and connection with others (who are positive and supportive). When we let go of the feeling of worthlessness you are going to feel free, I know I have....it's like someone took that bag out of my hand and burned it. I can now walk with my head held high (higher) as I slowly let go of those worthless feelings.

What's frustrating to me though, is how others will often trigger those feelings from time to time even though I'm trying to let it go. So then it's like I'm fighting the urge to grab that bag again and carry it again. For instance, our spouses/significant others, friends, and family can all do things to trigger these emotions. When a friend makes plans with you then at the last minute cancels....yea I've been there and even though I don't think they did it to hurt me, it still triggers those feelings. The ending of a relationship/divorce, can be a huge trigger (it was for me). I felt like I was doing everything right, everything you are supposed to do, and when even that's not enough...worthlessness creeps in the picture big time. When family or friends criticize you behind your back for something that you tried your best at, that can trigger worthless feelings too. What it comes down to it, we cannot control other people in our lives, we can only control ourselves. What WE tell ourselves, what WE think of ourselves, and what WE believe. None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws, but having self-worth is all about OWNING those flaws. Own your imperfections & love them!

All those verses I posted above....read them, daily, multiple times a day! Bottom line is....even when you are having those days where you're feeling worthless, God still thinks you are AMAZING. God will never leave or forsake you, God won't abandon you, God won't criticize you, God won't let you down....that's not in his nature. God looks at you like you are a million dollars...so the goal is that we start to see ourselves as if we are a million dollars. Like I said before, it's a daily process, but if you are sick of carrying those feelings of shame, worthlessness, and fear around in that bag, then choose to believe that you are WORTHY! It doesn't matter what your friends think/say about you, it doesn't matter what your spouse thinks/says about you, it doesn't even matter what your family thinks/says about you....all that really matters is one person's opinion and that is God. His opinion matters and HIS opinion is the truth. Believe it!

I want to end with this video clip that I watched a while back and I thought it was very fitting for what I've been tackling lately with self-worth. I find it very powerful and I bet you will too:

Okay...end of rant...thanks for reading this & I hope it helped you as much as it was healing for me to put it on here.

Love Always,

Stefanie :)