I want to talk about Self-Worth
First let's define it:
- The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect (dictionary.com)
- The opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself (yourdictionary.com)
The Bible talks about self-worth quite a bit, I read a handful of scriptures that talk about self-worth, and came up with 3 that I think hit the nail on the head that I want to share with you.
Jeremiah 29:11 (this is quoted straight from The Message: the Bible in Contemporary Language)
"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed (God's Decree)"
Luke 12:6-7
"What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail--even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries."
1 Corinthians 10:13
"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down, he'll never let you be pushed past your limit, he'll always be there to help you come through it."
Those verses speak volumes...to me anyways.
There's no way to give you the "condensed version" so I'm just going to put my whole story out there in hopes that you all will respect what I'm sharing on here. I recently started seeing a therapist, to help me take care of my mental health and not put it on the back burner anymore...and since I started seeing her, I've gained a whole new perspective on things! It's really been an amazing process, and I'm just getting started on it! We all have things that occurred in our childhood that may have permanently scarred us or left us "bruised". I know I do....and all my life (up until this point) I've been living with that "scar" (for lack of a better word). But the thing is, I don't want to live with it anymore....I don't want to use it as a crutch as to why I am the way I am anymore, I want to be able to own (confidently) who I am. & that's hard to do....
I'm not really sure I've ever had much self-worth to be honest with you...I'm not sure I've ever truly felt "good enough". That's a common term, right? Such as: I'm not______ enough-- you fill in the blank: skinny, pretty, tall, confident, rich, smart, good, etc. Who is telling you these things? Who is the critic repeating those phrases to you? The critic is our worst enemy and do you know who it is? IT'S YOU! You are your worst critic....that's so true! I am my worst critic. Is that hard for you to believe?
We need to be kinder to ourselves, and that's the first step to gaining more self-worth. Be kind to YOU. I started with one simple change, changing your self-talk. On a daily basis I make sure to tell myself, "You ARE worth it", or "You ARE enough", or "You are perfect". It's not just saying these things to yourself but it's believing it.
Now I'm sure we've all felt worthless from time to time in different areas of our lives, but for me specifically it's been in relationships with others. Due to circumstances in my childhood, I have never felt good enough (there it is again) for any man that I've dated...or some of the father figures that walked in and back out of my life, that just added to the fire of me not feeling worthy. I would carry that feeling of worthlessness with me into every relationship. It's like walking down the street dragging a heavy draw-string bag full of heavy bricks...it brings you down, it wears you out, it's exhausting. Due to that feeling of worthlessness, I would make decisions in my relationships to feed that emotion rather than making decisions to match my morals/values. That's not right, you make decisions based on your values not based on a temporary feeling. Because then it's only a temporary fix (a band-aide) and eventually the band-aide will fall off and that feeling will arise again. No more band-aides, no more shame....I am letting it go....and no it's not easy, it takes courage, compassion, and connection with others (who are positive and supportive). When we let go of the feeling of worthlessness you are going to feel free, I know I have....it's like someone took that bag out of my hand and burned it. I can now walk with my head held high (higher) as I slowly let go of those worthless feelings.
What's frustrating to me though, is how others will often trigger those feelings from time to time even though I'm trying to let it go. So then it's like I'm fighting the urge to grab that bag again and carry it again. For instance, our spouses/significant others, friends, and family can all do things to trigger these emotions. When a friend makes plans with you then at the last minute cancels....yea I've been there and even though I don't think they did it to hurt me, it still triggers those feelings. The ending of a relationship/divorce, can be a huge trigger (it was for me). I felt like I was doing everything right, everything you are supposed to do, and when even that's not enough...worthlessness creeps in the picture big time. When family or friends criticize you behind your back for something that you tried your best at, that can trigger worthless feelings too. What it comes down to it, we cannot control other people in our lives, we can only control ourselves. What WE tell ourselves, what WE think of ourselves, and what WE believe. None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws, but having self-worth is all about OWNING those flaws. Own your imperfections & love them!
All those verses I posted above....read them, daily, multiple times a day! Bottom line is....even when you are having those days where you're feeling worthless, God still thinks you are AMAZING. God will never leave or forsake you, God won't abandon you, God won't criticize you, God won't let you down....that's not in his nature. God looks at you like you are a million dollars...so the goal is that we start to see ourselves as if we are a million dollars. Like I said before, it's a daily process, but if you are sick of carrying those feelings of shame, worthlessness, and fear around in that bag, then choose to believe that you are WORTHY! It doesn't matter what your friends think/say about you, it doesn't matter what your spouse thinks/says about you, it doesn't even matter what your family thinks/says about you....all that really matters is one person's opinion and that is God. His opinion matters and HIS opinion is the truth. Believe it!
I want to end with this video clip that I watched a while back and I thought it was very fitting for what I've been tackling lately with self-worth. I find it very powerful and I bet you will too:
Okay...end of rant...thanks for reading this & I hope it helped you as much as it was healing for me to put it on here.
Love Always,
Stefanie :)
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