As I'm sure ALL of you know by now my birthday is coming up soon (in just 5 days to be exact in case you've lost count) and in typical Stefanie fashion, I celebrate my birthday for at least a week if not more. Most everyone in my life knows this, they know that I just anticipate this day coming and always make it into a huge celebration every year. The way I choose to look at it is, why shouldn't we celebrate the fact that we were given another year of life & celebrate starting a brand new year of our life?? God blesses us each and every day, and while we may not celebrate his blessings on a daily basis, I sure don't see anything wrong with celebrating the start of a new year once a year!! (and what better day than my birthday?!)
Well this year, I am looking at things with a little bit of a different perspective than in past years. I'm assuming if you're reading this then you know me fairly well and are aware that I went through a break-up at the start of the summer. Even though this relationship was on-again, off-again for 2 and a half years, it was one of the hardest relationships I've ever had to move on from. I guess because I thought it was the real deal. (FYI, I'm not telling you this for any pity or sympathy....quite the opposite actually).
After 2 months of shame, dealing with hurt and anger, gaining more respect for myself and building back up my confidence, I've gained a new perspective on things and decided that with my birthday right around the corner, what better time to "Start a New Beginning" so to say. That's exactly what I wanted to do! I had thrown away all those negative emotions that were holding me back and keeping me from moving on, I had worked through them, accepted them and gotten past them. The idea was given to me to have a ritual to symbolize this New Start/New Me/New Beginnings. So since I generally celebrate my birthday for a good long week (sometimes longer) I decided to have the ritual tonight.
Weeks prior to this I had written a letter getting all of my emotions out on paper. I often will encourage clients to write letters to get any and all of their negative emotions out in order to "let go" and move forward in the relationship. It's a very therapeutic tool that helps to improve a relationship with someone or move on from the loss of a deceased loved one. So I thought that was the perfect tool to use to let go of all of the feelings I've been experiencing in order to move on....
Words can't even describe how I felt tonight....I did this with a very close friend....we went outside, We started out in prayer. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn't even speak but this kind friend prayed over me. She then took the letter I wrote and read it out loud to me (what a moving experience that was, hearing my words out loud). All those tears I had been shedding, the sadness/anger I was holding onto....(it was the craziest feeling).....was gone, it was like the holy spirit just took it off of me and truly, Honest to God, made me "let it go"! After she finished the letter I took it, we burned it on the cement. We didn't end it there though, we then got a paper lantern and went to the street outside, lit the lantern, and we LET. IT. GO. (words cannot describe how I felt). As we watched the lantern fly away into the air....a wave of positive emotions filled me. I not only was letting go of a burden of negative emotions but I was letting go of the lantern carrying the flame. SUCH A STRONG SYMBOL!! & such a PERFECT way to start off my birthday celebrations!! We then ended it in prayer, I praised God for the experience and for the strength he had given me through the entire experience.
I can honestly say that the Holy Spirit was working through me tonight. I can honestly say that I am letting go now. There is no point in allowing these negative emotions to drag me down like chains on my feet. I am free now & I know, without a doubt, that wouldn't be the case if it weren't for God's Grace.
I am going to carry on in my birthday celebrations this week (and who knows maybe there will be another post on here) and come Monday (MY BIRTHDAY!!) as I enter into a new year of my life, I am anticipating what Blessings God is going to bring my way.
Love Always,
Stefanie :)
So beautiful. Happy birthday.
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