Confidence & Trust

Proverbs 31:11 "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life."

I won't lie...when I first read this scripture, I was like, "Okay what am I to get out of this exactly?" Now, after doing lots of research, I see there is LOTS I can get out of this scripture....I may need to break this down into many different posts so you can get the full extent of it as well.

The virtue you are to posess in this scripture is Faithfulness. What this scripture is saying is when a man has full confidence in his wife he isn't lacking anything of value. As a wife if you can be solid emotionally and spiritually, then there is no doubt that your husband/spouse can rest on you for steady support, always. In the workbook I am using, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, it gives 7 areas in which your husband/spouse should be able to trust you with:

1. Money--do you spend your money wisely?
2. Children--are you able to be trusted raising kids wisely?
3. Home--Are you able to run an orderly home?
4. Reputation--can your husband trust you to not speak poorly of him behind his back?
5. Faithfulness--can your husband trust you to not build emotional connections with other men?
6. Emotions--can you control yourself when under pressure?
7. Choices--can you be trusted to make wise choices when urgent situations arise?

There is a lot I want to say regarding these 7 key areas to earning your husband's trust, but that will take a whole nother blog post (tomorrow night). These 7 things should come easily to all women, I believe. But it takes work, and if you look at it in a positive light, you are doing work to glorify God in your marriage/relationship, then it's all worth it. You are becoming a Proverbs 31 woman! 

The bottom line of this scripture is that your husband/significant other should know that you are a safe and secure place for him to go to at the end of the day, where he can let down his walls, express his fears and failures, express his dreams and worries, and lay down his burdens and desires. Ask your husband if he is secure in letting his walls down and laying it all out there? He should not have to think twice before expressing himself to you, it should be an open and judgment free environment for both of you. If he has to sugarcoat what he says or be careful about what he shares, that's not a trusting or safe place for him and it's not fair to him. He deserves the best, and he chose you, so honor that decision by giving him that safe and secure environment that this scripture is pointing to. 

I may not be married, I may be a single woman, but I will still work towards posessing these qualities every day. I want my future spouse to be able to know without a doubt that he can trust me in every way, shape, and form. I want to be that safe place for him to go to at the end of the day. I want him to never hesitate to be open to me about his fears/failures/hopes/dreams/burdens. I want to hear it all. I want him to know that the words I speak about him, behind his back, are only ever praises. I want him to know that I am not only faithful to him but faithful to God as well. But the best way to truly prove this to a spouse is through our actions. None of us are perfect, we don't always make the best choices in life (I'll even admit to that!) but we need to strive to be that Proverbs 31 woman for our spouse. So now you need to ask yourself (and I am doing the same), "What areas can I change in my own life so that I can gain this character quality?" Commit to it. Pray about it. And put it into action.

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Gossip: Be Strong & Courageous

After almost a week of trying to put that first virtue into action I must say it is a humbling experience. While I found myself successful at decreasing the Personal Time Waster's, and focusing more on my inner beauty, I see how often gossip has become an easy habit to fall into more often than not. The definition of gossip is: "idle talk; rumor; talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature". When waitressing on Friday nights, seeing local townspeople and friends, yeah it's easy to fall into that trap of gossip (rumors in a small town, talking personal about others.....yea I know it's hard to believe, but it happens!). Not only have I noticed my bad habit of gossiping but I see that quality more in others who do it as well (which is only natural I think). But I also think, that we naturally see others' faults and downfalls way easier than we see our own. I did say this was a humbling experience, but I am becoming more comfortable recognizing these weak spots in myself and being more willing to change them to glorify God. It seems like ever since I put it into words that I wanted to work on getting out of the habit of gossiping that God has been putting me in situations where I have to actively work at it (why would He do that?! LOL). 

A little bit of encouragement I want to give you is this: while it is easy to use the excuse, "Hey, everybody gossips, I'm not the only one, so what's the big deal?" This challenge is about standing out from others, therefore I am choosing to stand out and the best way to do that is to cease my gossip for starters. If you truly want to be "worth more than rubies" it is worth cutting out those nasty habits. This means not gossiping about other women (easier said than done) and not gossiping about your spouse/significant other. If you wouldn't make that comment you are about to say to your friend or spouse then don't say it to anyone else is the rule I am trying to live by. If saying those words would embarass that person then it's best left unsaid. If I truly want my future spouse to see me as a "treasure", "rare", and "priceless", then I want to decrease this habit. And I hope I'm not the only one who sees the importance in that. 

From here on out I will ask myself: "Do I really need to say anything int his situation, or do I just want ot hear myself talk?"  Another thing to ask yourself is "Are my words going to lead to gossip or to God?" 

As the week went on I also did more research on this scripture (Proverbs 31:10). Let me remind you that this scripture is encouragement for women to have noble character. While my version says, "noble" other versions that I've looked up say, "Who can find a woman of strength?" This referring to moral strength. I like to think I stand firm in my morals and beliefs. When a woman has strength in character it also means she fears God, loves truth, and hates sin. This is something I've seen myself grow in lately. Especially since starting this blog I have become more of a God-fearing woman, I am more firm in the truth, and hating sin more. It is so crazy to me how starting this blog has slowly started to change my perspective on things. It's not just changing how I see myself but it's changing the way I look at others and changing my daily perspective in general. Those are all good things! (I had no idea that this blog would be such a blessing for me!)

When others notice a woman of noble character (God-fearing, loves the truth, and hates sin), someone who truly posesses those things, it will seem unusual at first, I think. I mean it is so normal for us all to be weak in our morals every once and a while. But to stand firm in your morals, that takes strength. In the big picture, standing firm in those beliefs will only lead to more respect from others, especially that future spouse. It truly takes courage to stand firm in your morals and beliefs so this verse is almost about being a courageous woman. It's easy to be courageous and noble from day to day but the times when it is most hard to live those qualities out is in times of trials and tribulations. That is when you are truly put to the test with these qualities I believe. Honestly, what it comes down to is knowing that you will never have enough strength to get through those trials/tribulations with your own human abilities/qualities, that is why we rely on God and trust in Him to give us strength. Because, at the end of the day, you can't get through them without God. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it weren't for my trials I've been through but I also wouldn't have the strength I have today if God hadn't carried me through those trials. 

Rare Like a Ruby!

Proverbs 31:10 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

Rubies, during biblical times, I imagine are like what diamonds are for women today. Rare to recieve, extraordinary to look at, a treasure to hold. Is there such a woman out there who is worth more than that?? Who is extraordinary, a treasure, and rare? Can I become that woman?? I mean, I won't lie, I like to think I'm pretty extraordinary and rare....but the point is for my future spouse to see those characteristics in me. Afterall, this verse is written for a man to find his future wife with these qualities. In order to truly be worth more than rubies....I first need to possess a NOBLE character.

no·ble

  (nō′bəl)
Having or showing qualities of high moral character, such as courage, generosity, or honor.

Out of the book that I'm reading for this challenge, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, it tells me what a woman of noble character does NOT look like (and let me tell you, after reading through this list, I was kind of put in my place):

1. She does not rival towards her husband
2. She does not mope around and complain about housework
3. She does not overspend and put herself into debt
4. She is not bored, discontent, greedy, or selfish
5. She does not gossip and slander others
6. She does not spend her days doing leisurely shopping, texting, emailing, web browsing, watching late night movies, and sleeping in
7. She does not criticize, mock, or disrespect her husband
8. She is not easily embarassed by her children/husband
9. She does not let her outer beauty take precedence over her inner beauty
10. She does not take God's word lightly

So after reading through this list I had to set the book down and really think about some of these characteristics that do NOT make up a noble woman. Now, I can honestly say I do good with 3/4 of these characteristics. But if I'm being honest, and I think I owe that to my readers/followers, I definitely need to work on at least 3 of these to be able to truly say I am a noble woman.

Not that it's out of the ordinary for a woman to gossip, but I definitely need to get out of that habit. The point in doing this challenge is to be extraordinary. I don't want to be ordinary just like every other woman. When I really think about it, nothing good comes out of gossiping, maybe I feel a sense of relief from getting it off of my shoulders but when you look at the big picture, does it accomplish anything?!........No

#6 is a doozy for me.....boy do I do this stuff a lot! I call them Personal Time Wasters (PTW's). My random checks on facebook on and off throughout the day. Texting friends/family "just because" during down time in my day. Sending pointless snapchats to girlfriends. Browsing on Etsy or Amazon to see what I can find. I'm a night owl, and my guilty pleasure is watching a couple episodes/re-runs of Modern Family every night before bed which keeps me up later than I should. Do these things make me a bad person? No. Do they take my focus away from my job? Yes. It's hard to work purposefully when I am putting my focus towards those Personal Time Wasters every so often. This is a habit I have often told myself to do less of, and now I can see I will have to put more effort into changing those habits. I may even come to realize that I'll gain a lot of time back to get more work done, since I often complain I never have enough time to do certain things. 

Lastly, I do often put more of an effort into my outer beauty than my inner beauty. I won't leave the house unless my make-up is on, I want to look stylish if I'm going out into public, and I need to be put together. Not that any of that is going to change, but from here on out I am going to make sure that others see the inner beauty and I want to make that more obvious than my outer beauty. I pray every day on my way to work and in part of my prayers I always say, "Let others see the light shine through me and know that the light comes from You, Lord." 

I think to truly put this first virtue into action, I need to pray to God to humble me (first and foremost) and allow me to see my flaws and be willing to change them for the better. That may start with me changing my attitude a little, my thought patterns, my work ethic, my words, and what I spend my time on. In my eyes, it's TOTALLY do-able! If it means making me rare, extraordinary, and a treasure to my future spouse, I will accept that challenge. What woman wouldn't want to be treasured by her husband?

Proverbs 31: The Breakdown

The following passage is Proverbs 31: 10-31 and is what my entire journey will be based on. For my study I am reading out of a new bible I received from my mom called, The Message (The Bible in Contemporary Language) but normally I would recommend NLT because I feel it's easier to understand; it seems to simplify the words a little bit and put them into language that is easier to understand. So for the sake of format, the following passage is taken straight from NLT.

A Wife of Noble Character

10Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is more precious than rubies.

11Her husband can trust her,

and she will greatly enrich his life.

12She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13She finds wool and flax

and busily spins it.

14She is like a merchant’s ship,

bringing her food from afar.

15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She is energetic and strong,

a hard worker.

18She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

her lamp burns late into the night.

19Her hands are busy spinning thread,

her fingers twisting fiber.

20She extends a helping hand to the poor

and opens her arms to the needy.

21She has no fear of winter for her household,

for everyone has warm clothes.

22She makes her own bedspreads.

She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

23Her husband is well known at the city gates,

where he sits with the other civic leaders.

24She makes belted linen garments

and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

26When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness.

27She carefully watches everything in her household

and suffers nothing from laziness.

28Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her:

29“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

but you surpass them all!”

30Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

but a woman who fears the lord will be greatly praised.

31Reward her for all she has done.

Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

These 21 verses are examples of how we should behave as women of God. So that is my goal, to work towards possessing these qualities. I used to think that I would work on this some day down the road, you know, after I'm married and can actually put them into better use? But the truth of the matter is that having a ring on the finger and getting married does not automatically make you this amazing wife/husband that you thought you'd instantly become. If these qualities aren't within you before marriage, more than likely they won't be in you after marriage either. With that said, I want to be able to possess these qualities now and be able to hopefully master them down the road when I get married.


Love Always,
Stefanie :)

A New Journey

Girlfriend. Fiance. Wife. Soulmate. Lovers. We've all got labels for those different stages in a woman's life from the time of a teenager, to becoming a young adult, through to the elderly years. As a young girl I always dreamed of someday being the best possible wife I can be. Now, as a young adult, who has been in a fair amount of relationships, I'm at this point in my life where I have just decided that I'm done searching, I am going to let God be in control and will do my best to trust him and what he has planned for my life. Now, that's easier said than done! We are not perfect people, and I don't think God expects us to be but we need to work hard to become a woman who honors God in all we do. With that being said: It is time I focus on me, myself, & I. So a few months ago I felt God telling me that I needed to start studying Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31, in a nutshell, is words being spoken to King Lemuel from his mother, telling him what to look for in a woman, specifically what traits/characteristics his future wife must have. When you first read it, it's a little overwhelming and you feel like it's 10 women being summed up into one. Seems very unrealistic in today's world and hard to measure up to. After lots of research and studying I have come to this point where I feel I need to take the challenge and start my journey of trying to become this Proverbs 31 woman. So I'm taking this study to heart and I'm going to work every day to meet God's expectations for my life. 

I am not naive, I am very aware this may be a bumpy road (as is life) but I think it's well worth it. So if you are reading this and want to follow me on this journey feel free to follow my blog posts, or as I post them on facebook, and don't hesitate to comment your thoughts/opinions/encouragement/stories/etc!! I do hope through this journey that I touch other women who maybe feel they could benefit from this study as well or who also want to take the Proverbs 31 challenge. 

Love Always,
Stefanie :)