Define "good".....

Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

I'm going to break this scripture up into two parts, which means two separate blog posts, b/c after reading it, studying it, praying about it, now sitting here just pondering it, I know that I have a lot to say about it so to spare you from reading a lengthy post I will break it up into two. 

A Proverbs 31 woman "brings her husband good, not harm" is where I will start. The first thing that I thought of was, Define good...where does all this goodness come from? Well I feel that's sort of an obvious answer, our goodness comes from God. If we pursue him he fills us with goodness. By having a relationship with God, being faithful to him, praying to him, trusting him....we end up possessing goodness as a part of our character.

You may be thinking, Well, this is an easy quality to possess, I show goodness to lots of people every day! but it's so much more than that. I can say the same thing! I show goodness to my coworkers, my roommates, my friends, my boss, my Mom, my sister, clients I work with, neighbors, bible study friends, (I could go on and on and on but I think you get the picture). Yes, we need to be showing goodness to everybody, that's very important, it's called "paying it forward" but the most important person to focus on showing goodness to needs to be your husband, ultimately. That's what this scripture is saying--she "brings her husband good, not harm".

At the end of the day, can you say that you honestly show good to your husband first and foremost? Sure, you might TALK about wanting to do good things to him or for him but do you show it in your actions on a daily basis? This passage in my study book, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, says it perfectly, it says:

"She willingly cooks, cleans, cares for the children and stretches a dollar. she willingly submits, respects, and praises her husband. She willingly responds to his physical touch and seeks to satisfy him in the bedroom. She does not criticize him over and over for the same flaws but loves him despite his flaws. She knows the power of her words an would not, in a moment of anger, use them to harm him."

Wow! That says it all! (MAN, this woman is amazing!) I thought about putting that into my own words but I don't think I could say it any better. And the one word that continuously seems to show up as you read that passage is willingly. It doesn't say that her husband made her clean,cook, or care for the children. No, she WILLINGLY does it (and probably without complaining too!). 

Personally, I love to do certain things for a significant other, gives me a warm feeling inside and makes me feel good knowing that I am making someone else happy. Does it sometimes get old, or boring, or am I sometimes just too tired to do cooking/cleaning/etc.? Yes, and it's those times when I will maybe suggest doing it together as a couple or going out to eat instead or something but, generally, I think you, as a woman, should WANT to please your husband, that should be a daily goal of yours.

I think it can be so easy, after being with someone for a significant amount of time, to fixate on their flaws and how much they bug you. I know it can be easy to point them out over and over again or criticize them. But, to me, that's not love. If you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, their annoyances, their flaws, their physical traits, their habits.....all of them. Do you expect them to accept every part of you? Then it should go both ways. We all know we have flaws, I'll be the first to admit it! I tend to have blonde moments (as a brunette, but I was born a blonde so ya...), I can be very forgetful sometimes, I get this twitch in my leg sometimes where it'll shake non-stop, I over-think and over-analyze things way too much....I think you get the picture. We all have those things that are considered flaws. Whether or not they are deal breakers, is another story but some you should be able to look past and love the person despite them. That's what we are called to do. If it would hurt or bother you to have someone point out your flaws to you, then imagine how it would feel to your husband to hear you criticize and point them out to him. Your words are a very important tool, one you don't want to use to hurt or harm someone else. It doesn't matter how angry, upset, or frustrated you are, words aren't to be used against someone like that. We need to be using our words to build our husbands up, just as you would want. 

At the end of the day, we are all only human, so we will have slip-ups. But with this being a challenge you want to have the least amount of slip-ups possible. Imagine how many blessings will come your way, to you, your husband, and your marriage, if you truly start putting this trait to practice on a daily basis. As women, we need to strive to show good to others, but first and foremost, to your husband! Don't wait for him to ask, don't allow him to bug you to do it, just be WILLING. The more you are willing to do, you would be surprised the more HE is willing to do in return. I see so many blessings come to me every single day just by putting this trait "showing goodness" to practice by showing it to others. Ever heard of the quote, "You reap what you sew"? If you put goodness in, goodness will come out. Let's vow, from here on out, to show goodness (not harm) to others, or more importantly to your husband. 

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Faithfulness

How fitting that on Easter weekend I am focusing on the virtue of Faithfulness. It's fitting because I've seen God trying to instill this virtue in me daily in the last week. It's fitting because, no one, not even Jesus' own desciples were faithful to him in his last hours, they all denied him. But he still was faithful to us! That amazes me, humbles me really. It really hit me hard on Sunday morning when I was in church. We played a video of Jesus' last hours and then being nailed to the cross while an inspirational song was playing and it brought me to tears. Even though Jesus' own desciples were not faithful to him, he still died for them (and us) so that our sins can be forgiven. Even though we screw up and let him down on a daily basis, he remains faithful to us. It is THAT kind of faithfulness he wants us to show to others, specifically (for women) to your husbands. God set the "perfect" example for the kind of love he wants us to show to others and how to truly be faithful. People are always going to let us down or disappoint us (we are all only human!) but we are taught to forgive, love, and remain faithful in marriage.

In order to truly be faithful, you are called to speak the truth and earn the trust of others. That is exactly what Jesus did for us. He always spoke the truth to his desciples and others in the area. He earned the trust of others through his actions. Jesus foretold that he was going to rise three days later (after being crucified) from the tomb. That is why we celebrate Easter! That is what I mean by the "perfect" example. We, in our relationships (marriage/friendships/siblings/children), are expected to speak the truth. This means not putting each other down, not saying rude or discolored comments to each other, not making hurtful/sarcastic comments toward one another but building each other up, allowing one another to thrive as you truly are, to live with your full potential. This also means, in relationships, we are called to earn the trust of others. Do you keep things that others tell you in confidence? Or do you spread it on to others? (This goes back to my gossip post)

My devotion that I read this morning was titled "Caught in the Middle" and pretty much hit home for how I've felt lately. (Click on the link to read the devotion). To sum it up, in my own words, it's like the Easter story. We all know how the Easter story ends, Jesus rose from the dead (Happy Ending!). But it still doesn't change the fact that he went through lots of horrible pain and humiliation before that had to happen. Do we focus on that part though, all the stuff that happened in the middle?? No! And why not? Because we know that it has a happy ending so we want to focus on the good/positive. So why do I get so caught up on negative or bad things right now, I know how it's going to end, God promises happiness for each and everyone of us who believes in him. If I know that God is going to have me do great things and has a great life planned for me, then why do I get so caught up on the bad that is going to happen first to get me there?? Well my answer to that is, because I'm only human. I can't help it! I know God has happiness planned for me, I don't doubt that one bit, but knowing it doesn't seem to change the fact that I feel "caught in the middle" right now. So that's when I decided that from here on out I am going to remain faithful to him and see how he has this all play out. My best friend Meg (a very wise person indeed) told me that someday I am going to look back on all of this and see all the blessings and lessons God was trying to show me and smile. I know she's right, and I don't want to wish my life away or anything, but I can't wait for that day.


Love Always,
Stefanie :)



P.S. On a side note....Even though I know many of you who are reading this are married or in a relationship, I do want to point out that this blog isn't just geared towards married women, in fact I think it's quite the opposite. I am not married, therefore I am no expert, I am just simply sharing with you all what I have learned through my own research and through reading the Bible. But I did find this article that a really good friend of mine shared with me titled Can I Still be a Proverbs 31 Woman if I'm Single?. This article pretty much explains why I am doing this blog. I know I explained it in the beginning, but just to reiterate, these virtues aren't just something that you automatically have as a woman, once you are married. Not at all, they are virtues that you should have from the beginning and you can put into practice once you are married and continue to perfect them in the years of your marriage. If anything, my blog is encouragement for both single and married women. I highly encourage you all to read that article because it really hits home!

Priorities...

What areas can you change in your own life so you can gain this character quality?

In order to truly possess the character quality of faithfulness with your husband you need to be able to say you are faithful to the Lord. In order to truly be a safe haven for your husband, you should first seek the Lord. In my opinion, it's a hierarchy: 1) God, 2) Husband, 3) Kids/Family. God should always be put first. As women, we should always seek to have a relationship with God first and then naturally things will fall into place in our relationship with our husband and then family. God did not intend for it to be any other way, like if you are putting your man at the top of the hierarchy and everyone/thing else second.

This is a daily effort for me. To constantly be putting God first. As a young woman in my 20's....it's hard to not constantly think about finding "The One" and to put that at the top of my to-do list. But that's what got me where I'm at now. I've just come to the realization that I am not in control of finding "The One", God is. Sometimes I think it would just be nice of Him to give me a quick glimpse to my future husband so I can stop every ounce of worry that goes through my head regarding that subject. I feel like it's not worth the worrying/overthinking/pondering, if I had control over the situation then it might be worth it but I don't have the control and so it's a waste of time to worry about it all. What it comes down to is I want to be faithful to God and by giving Him COMPLETE control and letting go of any of my worries and just giving it all to Him (Take it, God!) I am proving to Him that I want to be faithful. As I continue to tell myself this, God will continue to prove to me that He's got this. And in order to be completely faithful, that means getting rid of any ounce of doubt I have regarding God. I need to know 110% that he wants nothing but complete happiness for me and there should be absolutely no doubt in my mind. THAT is part of being faithful to God: Putting Him first but also trusting in Him with absolutely no doubt in your mind that He will provide for you. 

I truly feel that right now God is asking me to work on my priorities, if I can learn to put Him first in all areas of my life, then it will come naturally when I am married (down the road) to put him above my husband. It can be so easy for me, when in a relationship, to put the guy on a pedestal and have everything else come second. I imagine lots of girls do that exact same thing (or I hope I'm not the only one anyway). That's not what God expects of me though. I want to reach His expectations of me so that someday I will be able to reach my husband's expectations as well. In other words he will be able to trust me and know that I am faithful. It should be clear not just in my words but in my actions as well. I want it to be obvious what or who my priorities are. So for this scripture I want to improve in making God a priority in all areas of my life.