Be Eager and Positive!

Proverbs 31:13 "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands."

So far in the Proverbs 31 study I have learned that a Proverbs 31 woman is a treasure to her husband, completely trustworthy & faithful, and shows goodness every day through her actions. Now I am learning that a Proverbs 31 woman is HARD WORKING. It's not JUST that she's hardworking though, another part of that is, her attitude. She does her work with an outstanding attitude. She is willing to work and eager to do so. 

Now I want you to ask yourself (as I am doing the same thing): Do I wake up every day eager to go to work and do work around the house? I will admit that 4 out of the 5 days I am eager to go to work, afterall I love what I do, I see my job making a difference for the kids/families that I see, and it is personally rewarding (most days). I cannot, however, admit that I am eager to do housework/chores every time I need to. What woman is?? 

Here is what my mornings look like: My alarm goes off and a good 5 minutes later I actually start to open my eyes. I lay in bed for a good 15 minutes, reading my online devotional, looking at any new snapchats, and browsing facebook. After that I eventually roll out of bed, do my morning routine of getting dressed and preparing myself for the day. Does any of that sound like I am eager to get to work and eager to start my day? No. But the Proverbs 31 woman oozes energy and eagerness. She doesn't just roll out of bed, she jumps out of bed ready to start her day off right. She doesn't need a cup of coffee to boost her mood or give her energy, she's already got it. To be completely honest, I know women like this, and they tend to really annoy me. I am not a morning person and when I come upon those who are, who posess energy and are eager to get to work, I roll my eyes and try to avoid them because I'm not ready for that amount of energy generally. Truth is, I probably avoid them because they've got the attitude and positive energy that I secretly wish I had. I want to be one of those girls, deep down. I want others to say, "Wow! She's got a great attitude!". That's what it all stems from, my attitude. 

I am constantly telling my clients, "Your self-talk is so strong! Listen to it!" What we tell ourselves, in our head, has a LOT of control over our attitude and actions every day. If you wake up and tell yourself, "Well, it's just another day, let's see what kind of crap I'm going to be dealing with today..." more than likely you're going to have a rough day, you'll be dealt a lot of "crap", and things will not run smoothly I'm sure. On the other hand, if you wake up and tell yourself, "Alright! I'm ready to tackle this day! Bring it on! I can take on anything with God on my side!" you will probably be able to take on anything and not just that but you'll have a positive attitude the entire time too. So that's where we need to start, we need to check our attitude. Work on recognizing when we have those negative thoughts slide in, kick them right out, and replace them with a positive thought. Wake up every day determined to have positive thoughts, ready to tackle whatever comes your way, and confident because you've got God on your side. I'm not saying that you have to be that overly energetic girl, you can still be you just with a positive attitude and eager demeanor. 



Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Just a sidenote...

I wasn't going to do a post tonight, I was going to let the last few night's posts sink in for you all, but then it popped into my head today, while I was driving to a client's house, that part of showing goodness to your husband also means praying for him and his walk with God. So as a little sidenote I wanted to share with all of you a prayer ritual I have started doing for my "future husband" on a daily basis that I think is VERY beneficial. It's called praying for your husband from Head to Toe and I originally got it through an online devotional that one of my best friend's sent me a while back. By doing this you are literally covering your husband in prayer and it can be so powerful and life-changing. It's worth trying!

His mind: What he thinks about

His eyes: What he looks at

His ears: What he listens to

His mouth: The words he speaks

His neck: His decisions that turn his head

His shoulders: His burdens and worries

His heart: Who and What he loves

His back: His protection

His arms: His strength

His hands: His work

His ring finger: His marriage

His side: His relationships

His sexuality: His need for physical intimacy

His legs: His stand for the truth

His knees: His relationship with God

His feet: His walk

Now, I am very aware that we all are at different places in our faith journey, but I am at this spot where I make a point to pray on a daily basis (and multiple times within that day). It's a priority for me and since I spend a lot of time on the road that is generally when I get all of my prayers out. Along with that, I am a firm believer that God hears our prayers and not only that but I have seen prayers answered over and over and over again....and every time, it never ceases to amaze me. So if you are a little hesitant at first about praying for your spouse, I think that's completely natural, but I truly believe it is one of the BEST things you can do for your husband on a daily basis. I encourage you to give it a try!

Till Death do us Part

"...all the days of her life."

That's how Proverbs 31:12 ends. "She birngs him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

What does that mean to you?? This is a subject I am very passionate about, personally, and could go on and on about for pages, but I am going to try and keep it somewhat condensed tonight (it's getting kind of late). 

This scripture does not say that woman is to bring goodness to her husband ONLY during the week days, or ONLY in the beginning months of marriage, or ONLY when she feels like it, or ONLY when it is convenient for her. NO....a woman is to bring goodness to her husband ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. 

When you married your husband, or when you get married (for you ladies who aren't yet), you said a vow to your husband "to have and to hold....for better, for worse...in sickness, and in health....according to God's holy ordinance...". I think during the wedding day couples so often rush through these words without even thinking what they really mean. Do you even know what you meant when you were saying these words? You are vowing to be there for your husband through it all, the good times and the hard times, according to God's ordinance. God expects you to show goodness to your husband from the day you say "I do" to the day you take your last breath. If that's not a lot to take in then I don't know what is...

It's not always going to be easy to show goodness. Some days it'll probably be the last thing you want to do for your husband. Some days you'll feel like he doesn't deserve it, but honestly, that is not your judgement to make, it's God's. If God puts it in your heart to show goodness and love to your husband on your wedding day, you need to figure out a way to keep that on your heart for the rest of your life, even on days when you love each other but don't "like" each other, or even on days when you aren't speaking, I'm not saying it's easy, I'll be the first to admit that I have no doubt in my mind it is hard. But it's so worth it for the rewards God will give you (as a couple). 

When I think about saying those words: "Till death do us part" on my wedding day, it kind of puts things into perspective for me. It's heavy on my heart. I am very aware that marriage takes work, I am very aware it has its fair share of struggles from time to time. I am a child of divorce, I saw my parents' marriage crumble in front of my eyes. That's probably why I am so passionate about this subject. It can be way too easy for people, especially my generation, to give up at the first sign of weakness or hard times in a marriage. Divorce is such an easy option these days, it's pathetic in my opinion. When did we become so willing to just throw in the towel and walk away as if it meant nothing? Why aren't people willing to fight anymore? Do you want to know what I truly think?? I think that not enough couples include God in their marriage. Your marriage should always be a 3-way: Wife, Husband, & God. You leave God out, and it's a recipe for disaster. I truly, TRULY believe that there is NOTHING a marriage can't endure if God is on your side and in your marriage. And I don't think that I'm being naive by saying that either. Knowing that I have God on my side and in my life every single day, makes it easier to someday say those words "Till death do us part". If you include God in your wedding (which I'm assuming you do if you get married in a church and do the typical rituals you do in a wedding), then why wouldn't you also include him in your marriage?? If God is in your marriage, I promise you, that He will see you through it all (the good and the bad) and will not disappoint you. 

The book I am studying out of, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, says:

"Your walk with God is the key to having peace in the midst of a struggling marriage. You cannot control your husband's walk with God - only your own. But when you faithfully pray, read God's word and obey it, it will change the course of your marriage. So do you need a change of course today?"

It's kind of a no-brainer isn't it?? The answer is obvious. Pursue God. And Pursue showing goodness to your husband ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.

Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Who is in the Lead?

As I continue to focus on Proverbs 31:12 and showing the virtue of Goodness, I can't help but think of other couples in my life and in history who do/did an excellent job showing Goodness to their husbands. I thought of the very first couple who was mentioned in the Bible, Adam & Eve. But after doing some research I have realized that they really didn't show the "perfect" example of goodness. In fact Eve did quite the opposite. Eve took the fruit from the tree that God forbid them to take fruit from and encouraged Adam to do the same. She encouraged Adam to join in the sin. Is this the kind of woman that Proverbs 31 describes? Not really....quite the opposite actually. In a marriage, it is important to understand the power of influence you can have over your husband. I'm not talking about power as "feminine rights" or anything like that. I'm talking about how your words, as a wife, can persuade your husband to do certain things.

Admit it, as women, sometimes we turn to nagging, begging, manipulating, or crying to get our way. Is that right? Not really....biblically it's not. I'm not saying you should never cry if you're upset and not getting your way. But I am saying that there are better ways to communicate your wants/needs/desires to your husband and it'll be more fair. A Proverbs 31 woman would not constantly nag her husband to get him to do what she feels he NEEDS to be doing. A Proverbs 31 woman would not consistently beg her husband to do something that she feels NEEDS to get done. A Proverbs 31 woman wouldn't manipulate her husband to do what she WANTS him to do. Be aware, as a woman, a wise woman at that, how your words/actions do have a certain pull/influence on your husband. Along with that, you need to check yourself and make sure you are influencing him in a positive direction. Sometimes we think We are always right but that can be selfish sometimes. I personally believe that nagging, manipulating, and begging are very unattractive qualities and I tend to be very aware when I see that in myself and try my hardest to not show those qualities because I know how I feel when I see them in others so I can imagine what that must look like on me as well. Wouldn't you rather your husband or significant other to do something because he WANTS to rather than because you MADE him or Nagged him or Begged him to do it over and over again. 

To all women reading this, remember, it is not your job to lead your husband. God will do that for you, allow him to be in control, because even though this may be hard for you to hear, you are not in control. God is. So do not attempt to lead your husband a certain way. Allow God to lead your relationship in the direction He wants it to take. God designed marriage so that the husband would lead it. This doesn't necessarily mean you allow him to make your every decision and to control your words and actions. It just means that he sets the path for the direction your marriage should go. As long as you have God in your relationship, and you both believe and love God, then you should be able to trust your husband and God to not lead it down a destructive path. This also doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your opinions or thoughts. Ephesians 5:22-24 states it perfectly:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I think that says it all. Just like we are to give our worries and burdens to God at the end of every day, we should be doing the same thing with our husbands. The husband is expected to be the head of the family, the leader. We need to allow him that position. You can't honestly tell me, that after nagging and complaining and begging your husband/significant other to do something that you are satisfied when it's done?? Wouldn't you much rather him to do things on his own when he feels it's necessary? Yes sometimes they need a push but it's so important to be aware of the way you communicate certain things to them. I just think the nagging and begging to get what you want out of him is not appropriate, in fact, I think it makes women look less attractive when they nag like that and I don't think it's a characteristic we should posess if we want to be Proverbs 31 women.

To truly show goodness to your husband, be WILLING to show goodness to him on a daily basis, and be wise and aware so that you are allowing him to be in the lead like God expects. But most of all, allow God to lead you both, together, because he means for you to be like "one". 

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Define "good".....

Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

I'm going to break this scripture up into two parts, which means two separate blog posts, b/c after reading it, studying it, praying about it, now sitting here just pondering it, I know that I have a lot to say about it so to spare you from reading a lengthy post I will break it up into two. 

A Proverbs 31 woman "brings her husband good, not harm" is where I will start. The first thing that I thought of was, Define good...where does all this goodness come from? Well I feel that's sort of an obvious answer, our goodness comes from God. If we pursue him he fills us with goodness. By having a relationship with God, being faithful to him, praying to him, trusting him....we end up possessing goodness as a part of our character.

You may be thinking, Well, this is an easy quality to possess, I show goodness to lots of people every day! but it's so much more than that. I can say the same thing! I show goodness to my coworkers, my roommates, my friends, my boss, my Mom, my sister, clients I work with, neighbors, bible study friends, (I could go on and on and on but I think you get the picture). Yes, we need to be showing goodness to everybody, that's very important, it's called "paying it forward" but the most important person to focus on showing goodness to needs to be your husband, ultimately. That's what this scripture is saying--she "brings her husband good, not harm".

At the end of the day, can you say that you honestly show good to your husband first and foremost? Sure, you might TALK about wanting to do good things to him or for him but do you show it in your actions on a daily basis? This passage in my study book, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, says it perfectly, it says:

"She willingly cooks, cleans, cares for the children and stretches a dollar. she willingly submits, respects, and praises her husband. She willingly responds to his physical touch and seeks to satisfy him in the bedroom. She does not criticize him over and over for the same flaws but loves him despite his flaws. She knows the power of her words an would not, in a moment of anger, use them to harm him."

Wow! That says it all! (MAN, this woman is amazing!) I thought about putting that into my own words but I don't think I could say it any better. And the one word that continuously seems to show up as you read that passage is willingly. It doesn't say that her husband made her clean,cook, or care for the children. No, she WILLINGLY does it (and probably without complaining too!). 

Personally, I love to do certain things for a significant other, gives me a warm feeling inside and makes me feel good knowing that I am making someone else happy. Does it sometimes get old, or boring, or am I sometimes just too tired to do cooking/cleaning/etc.? Yes, and it's those times when I will maybe suggest doing it together as a couple or going out to eat instead or something but, generally, I think you, as a woman, should WANT to please your husband, that should be a daily goal of yours.

I think it can be so easy, after being with someone for a significant amount of time, to fixate on their flaws and how much they bug you. I know it can be easy to point them out over and over again or criticize them. But, to me, that's not love. If you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, their annoyances, their flaws, their physical traits, their habits.....all of them. Do you expect them to accept every part of you? Then it should go both ways. We all know we have flaws, I'll be the first to admit it! I tend to have blonde moments (as a brunette, but I was born a blonde so ya...), I can be very forgetful sometimes, I get this twitch in my leg sometimes where it'll shake non-stop, I over-think and over-analyze things way too much....I think you get the picture. We all have those things that are considered flaws. Whether or not they are deal breakers, is another story but some you should be able to look past and love the person despite them. That's what we are called to do. If it would hurt or bother you to have someone point out your flaws to you, then imagine how it would feel to your husband to hear you criticize and point them out to him. Your words are a very important tool, one you don't want to use to hurt or harm someone else. It doesn't matter how angry, upset, or frustrated you are, words aren't to be used against someone like that. We need to be using our words to build our husbands up, just as you would want. 

At the end of the day, we are all only human, so we will have slip-ups. But with this being a challenge you want to have the least amount of slip-ups possible. Imagine how many blessings will come your way, to you, your husband, and your marriage, if you truly start putting this trait to practice on a daily basis. As women, we need to strive to show good to others, but first and foremost, to your husband! Don't wait for him to ask, don't allow him to bug you to do it, just be WILLING. The more you are willing to do, you would be surprised the more HE is willing to do in return. I see so many blessings come to me every single day just by putting this trait "showing goodness" to practice by showing it to others. Ever heard of the quote, "You reap what you sew"? If you put goodness in, goodness will come out. Let's vow, from here on out, to show goodness (not harm) to others, or more importantly to your husband. 

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Faithfulness

How fitting that on Easter weekend I am focusing on the virtue of Faithfulness. It's fitting because I've seen God trying to instill this virtue in me daily in the last week. It's fitting because, no one, not even Jesus' own desciples were faithful to him in his last hours, they all denied him. But he still was faithful to us! That amazes me, humbles me really. It really hit me hard on Sunday morning when I was in church. We played a video of Jesus' last hours and then being nailed to the cross while an inspirational song was playing and it brought me to tears. Even though Jesus' own desciples were not faithful to him, he still died for them (and us) so that our sins can be forgiven. Even though we screw up and let him down on a daily basis, he remains faithful to us. It is THAT kind of faithfulness he wants us to show to others, specifically (for women) to your husbands. God set the "perfect" example for the kind of love he wants us to show to others and how to truly be faithful. People are always going to let us down or disappoint us (we are all only human!) but we are taught to forgive, love, and remain faithful in marriage.

In order to truly be faithful, you are called to speak the truth and earn the trust of others. That is exactly what Jesus did for us. He always spoke the truth to his desciples and others in the area. He earned the trust of others through his actions. Jesus foretold that he was going to rise three days later (after being crucified) from the tomb. That is why we celebrate Easter! That is what I mean by the "perfect" example. We, in our relationships (marriage/friendships/siblings/children), are expected to speak the truth. This means not putting each other down, not saying rude or discolored comments to each other, not making hurtful/sarcastic comments toward one another but building each other up, allowing one another to thrive as you truly are, to live with your full potential. This also means, in relationships, we are called to earn the trust of others. Do you keep things that others tell you in confidence? Or do you spread it on to others? (This goes back to my gossip post)

My devotion that I read this morning was titled "Caught in the Middle" and pretty much hit home for how I've felt lately. (Click on the link to read the devotion). To sum it up, in my own words, it's like the Easter story. We all know how the Easter story ends, Jesus rose from the dead (Happy Ending!). But it still doesn't change the fact that he went through lots of horrible pain and humiliation before that had to happen. Do we focus on that part though, all the stuff that happened in the middle?? No! And why not? Because we know that it has a happy ending so we want to focus on the good/positive. So why do I get so caught up on negative or bad things right now, I know how it's going to end, God promises happiness for each and everyone of us who believes in him. If I know that God is going to have me do great things and has a great life planned for me, then why do I get so caught up on the bad that is going to happen first to get me there?? Well my answer to that is, because I'm only human. I can't help it! I know God has happiness planned for me, I don't doubt that one bit, but knowing it doesn't seem to change the fact that I feel "caught in the middle" right now. So that's when I decided that from here on out I am going to remain faithful to him and see how he has this all play out. My best friend Meg (a very wise person indeed) told me that someday I am going to look back on all of this and see all the blessings and lessons God was trying to show me and smile. I know she's right, and I don't want to wish my life away or anything, but I can't wait for that day.


Love Always,
Stefanie :)



P.S. On a side note....Even though I know many of you who are reading this are married or in a relationship, I do want to point out that this blog isn't just geared towards married women, in fact I think it's quite the opposite. I am not married, therefore I am no expert, I am just simply sharing with you all what I have learned through my own research and through reading the Bible. But I did find this article that a really good friend of mine shared with me titled Can I Still be a Proverbs 31 Woman if I'm Single?. This article pretty much explains why I am doing this blog. I know I explained it in the beginning, but just to reiterate, these virtues aren't just something that you automatically have as a woman, once you are married. Not at all, they are virtues that you should have from the beginning and you can put into practice once you are married and continue to perfect them in the years of your marriage. If anything, my blog is encouragement for both single and married women. I highly encourage you all to read that article because it really hits home!

Priorities...

What areas can you change in your own life so you can gain this character quality?

In order to truly possess the character quality of faithfulness with your husband you need to be able to say you are faithful to the Lord. In order to truly be a safe haven for your husband, you should first seek the Lord. In my opinion, it's a hierarchy: 1) God, 2) Husband, 3) Kids/Family. God should always be put first. As women, we should always seek to have a relationship with God first and then naturally things will fall into place in our relationship with our husband and then family. God did not intend for it to be any other way, like if you are putting your man at the top of the hierarchy and everyone/thing else second.

This is a daily effort for me. To constantly be putting God first. As a young woman in my 20's....it's hard to not constantly think about finding "The One" and to put that at the top of my to-do list. But that's what got me where I'm at now. I've just come to the realization that I am not in control of finding "The One", God is. Sometimes I think it would just be nice of Him to give me a quick glimpse to my future husband so I can stop every ounce of worry that goes through my head regarding that subject. I feel like it's not worth the worrying/overthinking/pondering, if I had control over the situation then it might be worth it but I don't have the control and so it's a waste of time to worry about it all. What it comes down to is I want to be faithful to God and by giving Him COMPLETE control and letting go of any of my worries and just giving it all to Him (Take it, God!) I am proving to Him that I want to be faithful. As I continue to tell myself this, God will continue to prove to me that He's got this. And in order to be completely faithful, that means getting rid of any ounce of doubt I have regarding God. I need to know 110% that he wants nothing but complete happiness for me and there should be absolutely no doubt in my mind. THAT is part of being faithful to God: Putting Him first but also trusting in Him with absolutely no doubt in your mind that He will provide for you. 

I truly feel that right now God is asking me to work on my priorities, if I can learn to put Him first in all areas of my life, then it will come naturally when I am married (down the road) to put him above my husband. It can be so easy for me, when in a relationship, to put the guy on a pedestal and have everything else come second. I imagine lots of girls do that exact same thing (or I hope I'm not the only one anyway). That's not what God expects of me though. I want to reach His expectations of me so that someday I will be able to reach my husband's expectations as well. In other words he will be able to trust me and know that I am faithful. It should be clear not just in my words but in my actions as well. I want it to be obvious what or who my priorities are. So for this scripture I want to improve in making God a priority in all areas of my life.