Birthday Celebrations!! (Big 25!!)

I am not talking about a specific scripture tonight, rather I want to reflect on what this week means to me and my recent experience.

As I'm sure ALL of you know by now my birthday is coming up soon (in just 5 days to be exact in case you've lost count) and in typical Stefanie fashion, I celebrate my birthday for at least a week if not more. Most everyone in my life knows this, they know that I just anticipate this day coming and always make it into a huge celebration every year. The way I choose to look at it is, why shouldn't we celebrate the fact that we were given another year of life & celebrate starting a brand new year of our life?? God blesses us each and every day, and while we may not celebrate his blessings on a daily basis, I sure don't see anything wrong with celebrating the start of a new year once a year!! (and what better day than my birthday?!)

Well this year, I am looking at things with a little bit of a different perspective than in past years. I'm assuming if you're reading this then you know me fairly well and are aware that I went through a break-up at the start of the summer. Even though this relationship was on-again, off-again for 2 and a half years, it was one of the hardest relationships I've ever had to move on from. I guess because I thought it was the real deal. (FYI, I'm not telling you this for any pity or sympathy....quite the opposite actually). 

After 2 months of shame, dealing with hurt and anger, gaining more respect for myself and building back up my confidence, I've gained a new perspective on things and decided that with my birthday right around the corner, what better time to "Start a New Beginning" so to say. That's exactly what I wanted to do! I had thrown away all those negative emotions that were holding me back and keeping me from moving on, I had worked through them, accepted them and gotten past them. The idea was given to me to have a ritual to symbolize this New Start/New Me/New Beginnings. So since I generally celebrate my birthday for a good long week (sometimes longer) I decided to have the ritual tonight. 

Weeks prior to this I had written a letter getting all of my emotions out on paper. I often will encourage clients to write letters to get any and all of their negative emotions out in order to "let go" and move forward in the relationship. It's a very therapeutic tool that helps to improve a relationship with someone or move on from the loss of a deceased loved one. So I thought that was the perfect tool to use to let go of all of the feelings I've been experiencing in order to move on....

Words can't even describe how I felt tonight....I did this with a very close friend....we went outside, We started out in prayer. I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I couldn't even speak but this kind friend prayed over me. She then took the letter I wrote and read it out loud to me (what a moving experience that was, hearing my words out loud). All those tears I had been shedding, the sadness/anger I was holding onto....(it was the craziest feeling).....was gone, it was like the holy spirit just took it off of me and truly, Honest to God, made me "let it go"! After she finished the letter I took it, we burned it on the cement. We didn't end it there though, we then got a paper lantern and went to the street outside, lit the lantern, and we LET. IT. GO. (words cannot describe how I felt). As we watched the lantern fly away into the air....a wave of positive emotions filled me. I not only was letting go of a burden of negative emotions but I was letting go of the lantern carrying the flame. SUCH A STRONG SYMBOL!! & such a PERFECT way to start off my birthday celebrations!! We then ended it in prayer, I praised God for the experience and for the strength he had given me through the entire experience.

I can honestly say that the Holy Spirit was working through me tonight. I can honestly say that I am letting go now. There is no point in allowing these negative emotions to drag me down like chains on my feet. I am free now & I know, without a doubt, that wouldn't be the case if it weren't for God's Grace. 

I am going to carry on in my birthday celebrations this week (and who knows maybe there will be another post on here) and come Monday (MY BIRTHDAY!!) as I enter into a new year of my life, I am anticipating what Blessings God is going to bring my way. 

Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Early Riser

Proverbs 31:15 "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls."

Are you an early riser or a night owl??

I'm definitely a night owl, I enjoy staying up late. I am NOT a morning person AT ALL. I prefer to sleep in until 7:30 approximately and get started with my day around that time. 

The Proverbs 31 Woman  rises VERY early. Before dawn. 

Now, I look at that and think, Yea, right...that ain't gonna happen! 

2 things that scripture mentions the Proverbs 31 woman doing in the morning is:

1. Providing food for her family &
2. Providing portions for her servant girls.

Getting up in the morning gives you the time to decide the rest of the day's meals and maybe set aside some ingredients for it or get some meat out of the freezer to start to thaw out. It means starting breakfast for your family, also. (That sounds easy enough) Now, I know we don't have servants anymore, but items such as dishwasher, washer/dryer, vaccuum, etc. are considered our modern day "servants" and lighten the load for us tremendously! So in other words, getting up early is doing some cleaning around the house, throwing a load of laundry in, starting up the dishwasher, or ironing the clothes for your spouse. 

It's funny that the subject of rising early was this post's theme because I've recently been thinking about changing up my morning routine. I would like to start working out more and I would like to be reading my bible or doing a daily devotion each day. I think if I get up just half an hour earlier that gives me a chance to work-out and fit in a devotional/bible reading. I think that time with God is SO important. It quite possibly could be the only time during the day that we have that is quiet and ALONE with God. No children, no co-workers/clients, no family/spouse, and no interruptions from the cell phone (that is if you leave it off during this time). 

So what I really need to focus on for myself and what I encourage all of you to focus on is: Self-discipline & time management. I often find at the end of every day that there just wasn't enough time to get everything on my to-do list done! That can be so frustrating. By getting up early, you can make a list of what you all hope to accomplish throughout your day and deciphering a time to get that done. It means disciplining yourself to stand by that list and holding yourself accountable. 

What I want to do is start out my day with prayer then devotional, then write a list in my planner for the week of any big things that need to get done and decipher which days I'll get each item done. There is nothing more rewarding than starting your day out in prayer and being alone "with God" in quiet peace. I know for some of you mothers out there, that getting quiet time is very difficult, but if we give that added time to God each day, it can not only deepen our relationship with him but it can deepen our understanding, it can bless us in more ways than one! I truly believe that starting your day out with "time with God" is going to help you be more positive throughout your day and is going to keep you more grounded in your ways. I just think it keeps our minds focused on what's important, on what really matters, and on God and his ways.

I hope this is helpful for you ladies & if you have any tips for myself and others reading this, please feel free to comment below & share your thoughts!!

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

I am.......Enough

I need to go on a little rant....off of the subject of what it takes to be a Proverbs 31 woman....to talk about something that all women have dealt with/currently deal with/battle daily. This is something that has been on my heart and mind for quite a few weeks now, and I've finally gotten the courage to tackle this issue head on, for myself, in order to make myself a better (stronger?) woman. I hope it can help you out too...

I want to talk about Self-Worth

First let's define it:

• The sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect (dictionary.com)
• The opinion you have about yourself and the value you place on yourself (yourdictionary.com)

The Bible talks about self-worth quite a bit, I read a handful of scriptures that talk about self-worth, and came up with 3 that I think hit the nail on the head that I want to share with you. 

Jeremiah 29:11 (this is quoted straight from The Message: the Bible in Contemporary Language)

"I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed (God's Decree)"

Luke 12:6-7

"What's the price of two or three pet canaries? Some loose change, right? But God never overlooks a single one. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail--even numbering the hairs on your head! So don't be intimidated by all this bully talk. You're worth more than a million canaries."

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down, he'll never let you be pushed past your limit, he'll always be there to help you come through it."

Those verses speak volumes...to me anyways. 

There's no way to give you the "condensed version" so I'm just going to put my whole story out there in hopes that you all will respect what I'm sharing on here. I recently started seeing a therapist, to help me take care of my mental health and not put it on the back burner anymore...and since I started seeing her, I've gained a whole new perspective on things! It's really been an amazing process, and I'm just getting started on it! We all have things that occurred in our childhood that may have permanently scarred us or left us "bruised". I know I do....and all my life (up until this point) I've been living with that "scar" (for lack of a better word). But the thing is, I don't want to live with it anymore....I don't want to use it as a crutch as to why I am the way I am anymore, I want to be able to own (confidently) who I am. & that's hard to do....

I'm not really sure I've ever had much self-worth to be honest with you...I'm not sure I've ever truly felt "good enough". That's a common term, right? Such as: I'm not______ enough-- you fill in the blank: skinny, pretty, tall, confident, rich, smart, good, etc. Who is telling you these things? Who is the critic repeating those phrases to you? The critic is our worst enemy and do you know who it is? IT'S YOU! You are your worst critic....that's so true! I am my worst critic. Is that hard for you to believe?

We need to be kinder to ourselves, and that's the first step to gaining more self-worth. Be kind to YOU. I started with one simple change, changing your self-talk. On a daily basis I make sure to tell myself, "You ARE worth it", or "You ARE enough", or "You are perfect". It's not just saying these things to yourself but it's believing it.

Now I'm sure we've all felt worthless from time to time in different areas of our lives, but for me specifically it's been in relationships with others. Due to circumstances in my childhood, I have never felt good enough (there it is again) for any man that I've dated...or some of the father figures that walked in and back out of my life, that just added to the fire of me not feeling worthy. I would carry that feeling of worthlessness with me into every relationship. It's like walking down the street dragging a heavy draw-string bag full of heavy bricks...it brings you down, it wears you out, it's exhausting. Due to that feeling of worthlessness, I would make decisions in my relationships to feed that emotion rather than making decisions to match my morals/values. That's not right, you make decisions based on your values not based on a temporary feeling. Because then it's only a temporary fix (a band-aide) and eventually the band-aide will fall off and that feeling will arise again. No more band-aides, no more shame....I am letting it go....and no it's not easy, it takes courage, compassion, and connection with others (who are positive and supportive). When we let go of the feeling of worthlessness you are going to feel free, I know I have....it's like someone took that bag out of my hand and burned it. I can now walk with my head held high (higher) as I slowly let go of those worthless feelings.

What's frustrating to me though, is how others will often trigger those feelings from time to time even though I'm trying to let it go. So then it's like I'm fighting the urge to grab that bag again and carry it again. For instance, our spouses/significant others, friends, and family can all do things to trigger these emotions. When a friend makes plans with you then at the last minute cancels....yea I've been there and even though I don't think they did it to hurt me, it still triggers those feelings. The ending of a relationship/divorce, can be a huge trigger (it was for me). I felt like I was doing everything right, everything you are supposed to do, and when even that's not enough...worthlessness creeps in the picture big time. When family or friends criticize you behind your back for something that you tried your best at, that can trigger worthless feelings too. What it comes down to it, we cannot control other people in our lives, we can only control ourselves. What WE tell ourselves, what WE think of ourselves, and what WE believe. None of us are perfect, we all have our flaws, but having self-worth is all about OWNING those flaws. Own your imperfections & love them!

All those verses I posted above....read them, daily, multiple times a day! Bottom line is....even when you are having those days where you're feeling worthless, God still thinks you are AMAZING. God will never leave or forsake you, God won't abandon you, God won't criticize you, God won't let you down....that's not in his nature. God looks at you like you are a million dollars...so the goal is that we start to see ourselves as if we are a million dollars. Like I said before, it's a daily process, but if you are sick of carrying those feelings of shame, worthlessness, and fear around in that bag, then choose to believe that you are WORTHY! It doesn't matter what your friends think/say about you, it doesn't matter what your spouse thinks/says about you, it doesn't even matter what your family thinks/says about you....all that really matters is one person's opinion and that is God. His opinion matters and HIS opinion is the truth. Believe it!

I want to end with this video clip that I watched a while back and I thought it was very fitting for what I've been tackling lately with self-worth. I find it very powerful and I bet you will too:

Okay...end of rant...thanks for reading this & I hope it helped you as much as it was healing for me to put it on here.

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

How far will you go?

Proverbs 31:14 “She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar.”

Where do you go to get your groceries? How far do you go to get your shopping done?

This scripture is comparing the Proverbs 31 Woman to a merchant ship. A Merchant ship is a ship that was used to bring in many different kinds of cargo to the port (bringing such things as dyes, fabrics, spices, oils, foods, and pottery). This woman is willing to go as far as she needs to for her family to make sure that she gets the best of the best. She doesn’t just walk down the street to the nearest store or the cheapest store out of convenience for herself. She is willing to go the distance because of her love and care for her family. Back in scripture times, women couldn’t get all their supplies at the same store like we do now (ex: Walmart or Target), they would have to go to many different merchants, sometimes in different towns in order to get everything for the family.

The questions I posted above are something to really think about, how far are you willing to go for your family? And it’s important to change your perspective on what grocery shopping really is, don’t tell yourself that it’s just a mundane shopping trip. Tell yourself that you are doing it to glorify God and it is your way of showing your family how much you love them.

Some other questions that I want you to consider (and ask yourself) that were given out of my study book, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, can help to give you more insight, in order to become more like the Proverbs 31 Woman:

• If someone was describing your style of shopping how would they describe you?

If someone were to describe my shopping style I think they would say that I get in and get out when I know what I want (or have a list in hand) otherwise they would say that I like to see what there all is to offer and get the best value.

• Are you like a merchant ship? Or Are you willing to go to great heights to find the best, most cost effective and healthiest ingredients for your family?

I certainly don’t go to faraway lands to get the best of the best for myself, I usually settle for the cheapest brand, depending on my mood that is. I can sometimes justify spending a little more if it means I am going to wear it more or if I am feeding more than just myself. I think in some ways I am comparable to a merchant ship in the fact that I don’t settle for just anything, I like to get a good value in what I buy. I do not always try to get the healthiest foods out there, at my stage in life, I usually try to get what’s cheapest and best value along with something that can be made quickly, and doesn’t take a large amount of time to prepare.

• Do you work hard at your shopping?

If I am shopping for someone other than myself (friends, family, significant others, etc.) then yes I think I work hard to get something that I consider to be “perfect”. I want to get something that I consider to be fitting for the other person and something I know they will enjoy/appreciate. When in this situation I don’t settle for the cheapest or easiest find.

• Are you more into convenience foods that are fast or are you willing to cook from scratch?

I rarely cook from scratch, this is a skill I am not good at. Deep inside, I have a shy cook who is scratching at the walls to get out and try to cook from scratch more often but I rarely let her out. More often than not, I settle for something microwavable, that takes a few steps to make, or easily prepared on the stove top. This means I am not feeding myself the healthiest options. Which in turn, makes me feel like I am not doing glory to my body which God gave me…but that’s for a whole other blog post on another day.

• Do you take special care to get a good price on your goods or do you stop at the nearest corner store and just get something quick?

I do try to get a good price on the foods I buy. Every once and a while I will drive to Aldi’s to get good prices on certain grocery goods. I definitely am not a “couponer” by any means. It’s rare that I use coupons for things. But I refuse to just go to the nearest store out of convenience, I usually try to go to decent value stores.

Now ask yourself the above questions, and feel free to post your thoughts/opinions/ideas in the comment section below. I would love to hear how you all do with this. Don’t compare yourself to me (mainly because I’m sure you all are way better than me when it comes to this trait) but remember, we are all blessed with different skills and different traits. And remember this, by shopping for your family you are caring for them, you are providing for them, for their basic needs, it’s a necessary thing…not something to go half-way on. Be willing to go the distance, to take care of your family, because in the end it is God you are glorifying, and he will repay you for what’s truly on your heart.

Love Always,

Stefanie :) 

R&R

Proverbs 31:13 "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands"

I want to add onto Proverbs 31:13 with a very important tip. In order to work every day with an eager attitude, there is one VERY important thing to remember to fit into your day: REST.

If you are working a full time job, plus coming home to a family, preparing a meal for a family, cleaning up after a family, being there for them, comforting them, teaching them, etc….that can all wear a person out. How productive can a woman really be if she’s got no energy to take care of her family plus work a job (if she has one)?

Sometimes we can feel bad or discouraged if we take a break from working or taking care of the family to rest, as if it means we can’t handle it all or makes us feel like less of a woman somehow. But God doesn’t condemn rest. After all, God created a day of rest, the Sabbath day. He wouldn’t have created it if he didn’t think we needed it. Resting or taking a break doesn’t make you lazy, it just recharges you so you can go tackle your next load of work whether it be another work shift, another job, another load of laundry, giving the kids a bath, etc.

This can sometimes be a hard lesson to learn, as I am finding out. Now I may not be married, with kids, but I am out in the working field. A few months ago, I was dealing with some stomach pain, so I called my doctor up to try and find out what might be wrong with me. My doctor thought it might be an ulcer so encouraged me to start taking some medicine to help that go away and heal itself. As I was taking the medicine each morning, the pain went away and I sort of forgot about it. Then after one long day of working, I came home with a terrible stomach pain and light-headedness. After dealing with that for a day and a half I then decided to take myself into the hospital to get checked out. The doctor in the ER told me it was more than likely Gastritis, which is when the lining of your stomach is inflamed due to stress. My doctor asked me if I was overly stressed at the time, I explained what I do for a living and that from time to time, yes, it can be stressful but nothing I don’t think I can handle. My doctor then asked me if I was taking some time for myself. At the time, I thought I was! I had my coping skills that I resorted to each week: swimming, hot tub time, or time with friends. My doctor then said, “Are you doing something for yourself EVERY DAY?” That I couldn’t necessarily answer because I didn’t think I was.

Unlike most people, it’s hard for me to just leave my work at the office, especially since my office is at home. I do in-home counseling for children and families, so often my work comes home with me. I do my casenotes at home and all my paperwork at home, so it’s hard to just “leave it at the office” as some people do. So I found myself not letting things go at the end of the day, I would continue to think about that one stressful case in the day or what more I could do for a client if I felt like things weren’t handled well during the session. It was almost like I was working 24/7 (except for when I was sleeping). Do you see where the problem is?? I wasn’t getting that one important thing God expects us to get….REST.

So naturally, my body was getting warn out from the lack of rest and the stomach pain was my body’s way of telling me to REST. Take it easy. Let it go. Let go and Let God! That can be a hard skill to master…I’m afraid I will never master it actually. I tend to over think things, or over analyze the situation.

So what’s the key to being an eager worker? REST. Find a coping skill that relaxes you, recharges you, and puts you at peace. It’s not just scheduling something relaxing in every weekend, but every day. What can you do every day? You shouldn’t be anticipating something relaxing every weekend or the next extended holiday weekend, you need to be doing something daily so you can wake up the next day and tackle it all over again. Right now I am trying to get out and work out more (easier said than done), I would like to be running at least once a day or at least walking once a day. Every week I go to the beach at least once which is my happy place, my chance to relax, recharge, and feel at peace with things. It’s where I do my deepest thinking and it’s where I feel most at peace. I talk to a different friend almost every day of the week. I will randomly schedule in “ice cream runs” once a week which helps too. Sometimes I will take a bath to relax. I also love to just sit on the porch with my latest book and read for an hour. Find what works for you, though. If you truly want to be the best wife you can be, the best mother you can be, and the best at your job…you need to make sure you are taking that time to REST.

When you add REST into the equation, your “eager hands” will be more of a blessing to everyone around you, therefore fulfilling that Proverbs 31 Woman role more successfully.

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

It takes a lifetime...

I'm baaack......

I know I haven't been on here in a long time due to work, personal life changes, and vacation, but in the time apart I have done a lot of personal growth and I think a majority of that is due to starting this blog. Part of the reason for growth is due to the people that have come into my life in the past month or more as well as the strengthening of existing relationships. I also believe part of the reason is for the places I've been to in the last month and the divine experiences along the way.

While I wasn't writing my blog I have done a lot of other reading and research. One article that my mom sent to me that I find myself thinking about more and more lately is titled You Need Help to be a Proverbs 31 Woman. If you click on that link it will take you immediately to the article and I HIGHLY recommend you read the article because you won't be dissapointed and that's what this post is all about is my thoughts regarding the article.

What the article pretty much is saying (in a very condensed form...a nutshell if you will) is that instead of trying to live up to the Proverbs 31 expectations every single day, we should be encouraging one another and helping each other in the areas where we fall short. Now, you may disagree with this, it is afterall just someone's opinion, but it's got a good point. Instead of trying to show every single trait of the Proverbs 31 woman maybe we should accept that we only portray a handful of those traits or characteristics. And in the areas where we fall short or lack in, we can rely on our "sisters" or "girlfriends" to help fill that void. Or as you grow in your faith and grow as a woman, maybe some of these traits will grow and become stronger in you while the others remain constant. 

Let me give you an example by relating this to my life. I am not a great cook (YET) and continue to work to be better in this area, but my boyfriend's mom cooks everything home-made and is an amazing cook so maybe she can help me to grow in this area by giving me recipes or tips. I love to do sewing projects here and there, but my friend Tanya, is not as good at it so I help her in that area by teaching her what I know and also doing sewing projects for her when she needs it. I am not a morning person but I have many friends who are, so while I am the most productive later in the day, when I am sleeping or not quite awake in the morning they are getting a lot done. So in the areas where I am lacking a skill or could use some resources, I have plenty of friends and supports who can help fill that void and share their resources. This is what we should be doing! Don't expect every woman out there to be perfect in every aspect of the Proverbs 31 woman but understand that it's a life-long journey. Instead of judging others where they are lacking certain skills/traits/characteristics we should be encouraging one another to grow in certain areas or share our skills/traits to help them grow. It's a really easy concept and I encourage each one of you reading this to think about how you can use your skills and resources to help others who maybe are lacking in that area or think about the areas where you are lacking but could maybe get some guidance and support from someone a little more skilled.

Remember, no one expects you to be perfect, I surely don't. I know I'm not perfect and to be honest I don't want to be perfect, I just want to continue to grow in my faith each and every day. 

Becoming a Proverbs 31 woman is a life-long journey, but you are not alone, we are on this journey together :)



Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Be Eager and Positive!

Proverbs 31:13 "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands."

So far in the Proverbs 31 study I have learned that a Proverbs 31 woman is a treasure to her husband, completely trustworthy & faithful, and shows goodness every day through her actions. Now I am learning that a Proverbs 31 woman is HARD WORKING. It's not JUST that she's hardworking though, another part of that is, her attitude. She does her work with an outstanding attitude. She is willing to work and eager to do so. 

Now I want you to ask yourself (as I am doing the same thing): Do I wake up every day eager to go to work and do work around the house? I will admit that 4 out of the 5 days I am eager to go to work, afterall I love what I do, I see my job making a difference for the kids/families that I see, and it is personally rewarding (most days). I cannot, however, admit that I am eager to do housework/chores every time I need to. What woman is?? 

Here is what my mornings look like: My alarm goes off and a good 5 minutes later I actually start to open my eyes. I lay in bed for a good 15 minutes, reading my online devotional, looking at any new snapchats, and browsing facebook. After that I eventually roll out of bed, do my morning routine of getting dressed and preparing myself for the day. Does any of that sound like I am eager to get to work and eager to start my day? No. But the Proverbs 31 woman oozes energy and eagerness. She doesn't just roll out of bed, she jumps out of bed ready to start her day off right. She doesn't need a cup of coffee to boost her mood or give her energy, she's already got it. To be completely honest, I know women like this, and they tend to really annoy me. I am not a morning person and when I come upon those who are, who posess energy and are eager to get to work, I roll my eyes and try to avoid them because I'm not ready for that amount of energy generally. Truth is, I probably avoid them because they've got the attitude and positive energy that I secretly wish I had. I want to be one of those girls, deep down. I want others to say, "Wow! She's got a great attitude!". That's what it all stems from, my attitude. 

I am constantly telling my clients, "Your self-talk is so strong! Listen to it!" What we tell ourselves, in our head, has a LOT of control over our attitude and actions every day. If you wake up and tell yourself, "Well, it's just another day, let's see what kind of crap I'm going to be dealing with today..." more than likely you're going to have a rough day, you'll be dealt a lot of "crap", and things will not run smoothly I'm sure. On the other hand, if you wake up and tell yourself, "Alright! I'm ready to tackle this day! Bring it on! I can take on anything with God on my side!" you will probably be able to take on anything and not just that but you'll have a positive attitude the entire time too. So that's where we need to start, we need to check our attitude. Work on recognizing when we have those negative thoughts slide in, kick them right out, and replace them with a positive thought. Wake up every day determined to have positive thoughts, ready to tackle whatever comes your way, and confident because you've got God on your side. I'm not saying that you have to be that overly energetic girl, you can still be you just with a positive attitude and eager demeanor. 



Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Just a sidenote...

I wasn't going to do a post tonight, I was going to let the last few night's posts sink in for you all, but then it popped into my head today, while I was driving to a client's house, that part of showing goodness to your husband also means praying for him and his walk with God. So as a little sidenote I wanted to share with all of you a prayer ritual I have started doing for my "future husband" on a daily basis that I think is VERY beneficial. It's called praying for your husband from Head to Toe and I originally got it through an online devotional that one of my best friend's sent me a while back. By doing this you are literally covering your husband in prayer and it can be so powerful and life-changing. It's worth trying!

His mind: What he thinks about

His eyes: What he looks at

His ears: What he listens to

His mouth: The words he speaks

His neck: His decisions that turn his head

His shoulders: His burdens and worries

His heart: Who and What he loves

His back: His protection

His arms: His strength

His hands: His work

His ring finger: His marriage

His side: His relationships

His sexuality: His need for physical intimacy

His legs: His stand for the truth

His knees: His relationship with God

His feet: His walk

Now, I am very aware that we all are at different places in our faith journey, but I am at this spot where I make a point to pray on a daily basis (and multiple times within that day). It's a priority for me and since I spend a lot of time on the road that is generally when I get all of my prayers out. Along with that, I am a firm believer that God hears our prayers and not only that but I have seen prayers answered over and over and over again....and every time, it never ceases to amaze me. So if you are a little hesitant at first about praying for your spouse, I think that's completely natural, but I truly believe it is one of the BEST things you can do for your husband on a daily basis. I encourage you to give it a try!

Till Death do us Part

"...all the days of her life."

That's how Proverbs 31:12 ends. "She birngs him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

What does that mean to you?? This is a subject I am very passionate about, personally, and could go on and on about for pages, but I am going to try and keep it somewhat condensed tonight (it's getting kind of late). 

This scripture does not say that woman is to bring goodness to her husband ONLY during the week days, or ONLY in the beginning months of marriage, or ONLY when she feels like it, or ONLY when it is convenient for her. NO....a woman is to bring goodness to her husband ALL THE DAYS OF HER LIFE. 

When you married your husband, or when you get married (for you ladies who aren't yet), you said a vow to your husband "to have and to hold....for better, for worse...in sickness, and in health....according to God's holy ordinance...". I think during the wedding day couples so often rush through these words without even thinking what they really mean. Do you even know what you meant when you were saying these words? You are vowing to be there for your husband through it all, the good times and the hard times, according to God's ordinance. God expects you to show goodness to your husband from the day you say "I do" to the day you take your last breath. If that's not a lot to take in then I don't know what is...

It's not always going to be easy to show goodness. Some days it'll probably be the last thing you want to do for your husband. Some days you'll feel like he doesn't deserve it, but honestly, that is not your judgement to make, it's God's. If God puts it in your heart to show goodness and love to your husband on your wedding day, you need to figure out a way to keep that on your heart for the rest of your life, even on days when you love each other but don't "like" each other, or even on days when you aren't speaking, I'm not saying it's easy, I'll be the first to admit that I have no doubt in my mind it is hard. But it's so worth it for the rewards God will give you (as a couple). 

When I think about saying those words: "Till death do us part" on my wedding day, it kind of puts things into perspective for me. It's heavy on my heart. I am very aware that marriage takes work, I am very aware it has its fair share of struggles from time to time. I am a child of divorce, I saw my parents' marriage crumble in front of my eyes. That's probably why I am so passionate about this subject. It can be way too easy for people, especially my generation, to give up at the first sign of weakness or hard times in a marriage. Divorce is such an easy option these days, it's pathetic in my opinion. When did we become so willing to just throw in the towel and walk away as if it meant nothing? Why aren't people willing to fight anymore? Do you want to know what I truly think?? I think that not enough couples include God in their marriage. Your marriage should always be a 3-way: Wife, Husband, & God. You leave God out, and it's a recipe for disaster. I truly, TRULY believe that there is NOTHING a marriage can't endure if God is on your side and in your marriage. And I don't think that I'm being naive by saying that either. Knowing that I have God on my side and in my life every single day, makes it easier to someday say those words "Till death do us part". If you include God in your wedding (which I'm assuming you do if you get married in a church and do the typical rituals you do in a wedding), then why wouldn't you also include him in your marriage?? If God is in your marriage, I promise you, that He will see you through it all (the good and the bad) and will not disappoint you. 

The book I am studying out of, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, says:

"Your walk with God is the key to having peace in the midst of a struggling marriage. You cannot control your husband's walk with God - only your own. But when you faithfully pray, read God's word and obey it, it will change the course of your marriage. So do you need a change of course today?"

It's kind of a no-brainer isn't it?? The answer is obvious. Pursue God. And Pursue showing goodness to your husband ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.

Love Always,
Stefanie :)

Who is in the Lead?

As I continue to focus on Proverbs 31:12 and showing the virtue of Goodness, I can't help but think of other couples in my life and in history who do/did an excellent job showing Goodness to their husbands. I thought of the very first couple who was mentioned in the Bible, Adam & Eve. But after doing some research I have realized that they really didn't show the "perfect" example of goodness. In fact Eve did quite the opposite. Eve took the fruit from the tree that God forbid them to take fruit from and encouraged Adam to do the same. She encouraged Adam to join in the sin. Is this the kind of woman that Proverbs 31 describes? Not really....quite the opposite actually. In a marriage, it is important to understand the power of influence you can have over your husband. I'm not talking about power as "feminine rights" or anything like that. I'm talking about how your words, as a wife, can persuade your husband to do certain things.

Admit it, as women, sometimes we turn to nagging, begging, manipulating, or crying to get our way. Is that right? Not really....biblically it's not. I'm not saying you should never cry if you're upset and not getting your way. But I am saying that there are better ways to communicate your wants/needs/desires to your husband and it'll be more fair. A Proverbs 31 woman would not constantly nag her husband to get him to do what she feels he NEEDS to be doing. A Proverbs 31 woman would not consistently beg her husband to do something that she feels NEEDS to get done. A Proverbs 31 woman wouldn't manipulate her husband to do what she WANTS him to do. Be aware, as a woman, a wise woman at that, how your words/actions do have a certain pull/influence on your husband. Along with that, you need to check yourself and make sure you are influencing him in a positive direction. Sometimes we think We are always right but that can be selfish sometimes. I personally believe that nagging, manipulating, and begging are very unattractive qualities and I tend to be very aware when I see that in myself and try my hardest to not show those qualities because I know how I feel when I see them in others so I can imagine what that must look like on me as well. Wouldn't you rather your husband or significant other to do something because he WANTS to rather than because you MADE him or Nagged him or Begged him to do it over and over again. 

To all women reading this, remember, it is not your job to lead your husband. God will do that for you, allow him to be in control, because even though this may be hard for you to hear, you are not in control. God is. So do not attempt to lead your husband a certain way. Allow God to lead your relationship in the direction He wants it to take. God designed marriage so that the husband would lead it. This doesn't necessarily mean you allow him to make your every decision and to control your words and actions. It just means that he sets the path for the direction your marriage should go. As long as you have God in your relationship, and you both believe and love God, then you should be able to trust your husband and God to not lead it down a destructive path. This also doesn't mean you shouldn't voice your opinions or thoughts. Ephesians 5:22-24 states it perfectly:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I think that says it all. Just like we are to give our worries and burdens to God at the end of every day, we should be doing the same thing with our husbands. The husband is expected to be the head of the family, the leader. We need to allow him that position. You can't honestly tell me, that after nagging and complaining and begging your husband/significant other to do something that you are satisfied when it's done?? Wouldn't you much rather him to do things on his own when he feels it's necessary? Yes sometimes they need a push but it's so important to be aware of the way you communicate certain things to them. I just think the nagging and begging to get what you want out of him is not appropriate, in fact, I think it makes women look less attractive when they nag like that and I don't think it's a characteristic we should posess if we want to be Proverbs 31 women.

To truly show goodness to your husband, be WILLING to show goodness to him on a daily basis, and be wise and aware so that you are allowing him to be in the lead like God expects. But most of all, allow God to lead you both, together, because he means for you to be like "one". 

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Define "good".....

Proverbs 31:12 "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life."

I'm going to break this scripture up into two parts, which means two separate blog posts, b/c after reading it, studying it, praying about it, now sitting here just pondering it, I know that I have a lot to say about it so to spare you from reading a lengthy post I will break it up into two. 

A Proverbs 31 woman "brings her husband good, not harm" is where I will start. The first thing that I thought of was, Define good...where does all this goodness come from? Well I feel that's sort of an obvious answer, our goodness comes from God. If we pursue him he fills us with goodness. By having a relationship with God, being faithful to him, praying to him, trusting him....we end up possessing goodness as a part of our character.

You may be thinking, Well, this is an easy quality to possess, I show goodness to lots of people every day! but it's so much more than that. I can say the same thing! I show goodness to my coworkers, my roommates, my friends, my boss, my Mom, my sister, clients I work with, neighbors, bible study friends, (I could go on and on and on but I think you get the picture). Yes, we need to be showing goodness to everybody, that's very important, it's called "paying it forward" but the most important person to focus on showing goodness to needs to be your husband, ultimately. That's what this scripture is saying--she "brings her husband good, not harm".

At the end of the day, can you say that you honestly show good to your husband first and foremost? Sure, you might TALK about wanting to do good things to him or for him but do you show it in your actions on a daily basis? This passage in my study book, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, says it perfectly, it says:

"She willingly cooks, cleans, cares for the children and stretches a dollar. she willingly submits, respects, and praises her husband. She willingly responds to his physical touch and seeks to satisfy him in the bedroom. She does not criticize him over and over for the same flaws but loves him despite his flaws. She knows the power of her words an would not, in a moment of anger, use them to harm him."

Wow! That says it all! (MAN, this woman is amazing!) I thought about putting that into my own words but I don't think I could say it any better. And the one word that continuously seems to show up as you read that passage is willingly. It doesn't say that her husband made her clean,cook, or care for the children. No, she WILLINGLY does it (and probably without complaining too!). 

Personally, I love to do certain things for a significant other, gives me a warm feeling inside and makes me feel good knowing that I am making someone else happy. Does it sometimes get old, or boring, or am I sometimes just too tired to do cooking/cleaning/etc.? Yes, and it's those times when I will maybe suggest doing it together as a couple or going out to eat instead or something but, generally, I think you, as a woman, should WANT to please your husband, that should be a daily goal of yours.

I think it can be so easy, after being with someone for a significant amount of time, to fixate on their flaws and how much they bug you. I know it can be easy to point them out over and over again or criticize them. But, to me, that's not love. If you truly love someone, you love ALL of them, their annoyances, their flaws, their physical traits, their habits.....all of them. Do you expect them to accept every part of you? Then it should go both ways. We all know we have flaws, I'll be the first to admit it! I tend to have blonde moments (as a brunette, but I was born a blonde so ya...), I can be very forgetful sometimes, I get this twitch in my leg sometimes where it'll shake non-stop, I over-think and over-analyze things way too much....I think you get the picture. We all have those things that are considered flaws. Whether or not they are deal breakers, is another story but some you should be able to look past and love the person despite them. That's what we are called to do. If it would hurt or bother you to have someone point out your flaws to you, then imagine how it would feel to your husband to hear you criticize and point them out to him. Your words are a very important tool, one you don't want to use to hurt or harm someone else. It doesn't matter how angry, upset, or frustrated you are, words aren't to be used against someone like that. We need to be using our words to build our husbands up, just as you would want. 

At the end of the day, we are all only human, so we will have slip-ups. But with this being a challenge you want to have the least amount of slip-ups possible. Imagine how many blessings will come your way, to you, your husband, and your marriage, if you truly start putting this trait to practice on a daily basis. As women, we need to strive to show good to others, but first and foremost, to your husband! Don't wait for him to ask, don't allow him to bug you to do it, just be WILLING. The more you are willing to do, you would be surprised the more HE is willing to do in return. I see so many blessings come to me every single day just by putting this trait "showing goodness" to practice by showing it to others. Ever heard of the quote, "You reap what you sew"? If you put goodness in, goodness will come out. Let's vow, from here on out, to show goodness (not harm) to others, or more importantly to your husband. 

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Faithfulness

How fitting that on Easter weekend I am focusing on the virtue of Faithfulness. It's fitting because I've seen God trying to instill this virtue in me daily in the last week. It's fitting because, no one, not even Jesus' own desciples were faithful to him in his last hours, they all denied him. But he still was faithful to us! That amazes me, humbles me really. It really hit me hard on Sunday morning when I was in church. We played a video of Jesus' last hours and then being nailed to the cross while an inspirational song was playing and it brought me to tears. Even though Jesus' own desciples were not faithful to him, he still died for them (and us) so that our sins can be forgiven. Even though we screw up and let him down on a daily basis, he remains faithful to us. It is THAT kind of faithfulness he wants us to show to others, specifically (for women) to your husbands. God set the "perfect" example for the kind of love he wants us to show to others and how to truly be faithful. People are always going to let us down or disappoint us (we are all only human!) but we are taught to forgive, love, and remain faithful in marriage.

In order to truly be faithful, you are called to speak the truth and earn the trust of others. That is exactly what Jesus did for us. He always spoke the truth to his desciples and others in the area. He earned the trust of others through his actions. Jesus foretold that he was going to rise three days later (after being crucified) from the tomb. That is why we celebrate Easter! That is what I mean by the "perfect" example. We, in our relationships (marriage/friendships/siblings/children), are expected to speak the truth. This means not putting each other down, not saying rude or discolored comments to each other, not making hurtful/sarcastic comments toward one another but building each other up, allowing one another to thrive as you truly are, to live with your full potential. This also means, in relationships, we are called to earn the trust of others. Do you keep things that others tell you in confidence? Or do you spread it on to others? (This goes back to my gossip post)

My devotion that I read this morning was titled "Caught in the Middle" and pretty much hit home for how I've felt lately. (Click on the link to read the devotion). To sum it up, in my own words, it's like the Easter story. We all know how the Easter story ends, Jesus rose from the dead (Happy Ending!). But it still doesn't change the fact that he went through lots of horrible pain and humiliation before that had to happen. Do we focus on that part though, all the stuff that happened in the middle?? No! And why not? Because we know that it has a happy ending so we want to focus on the good/positive. So why do I get so caught up on negative or bad things right now, I know how it's going to end, God promises happiness for each and everyone of us who believes in him. If I know that God is going to have me do great things and has a great life planned for me, then why do I get so caught up on the bad that is going to happen first to get me there?? Well my answer to that is, because I'm only human. I can't help it! I know God has happiness planned for me, I don't doubt that one bit, but knowing it doesn't seem to change the fact that I feel "caught in the middle" right now. So that's when I decided that from here on out I am going to remain faithful to him and see how he has this all play out. My best friend Meg (a very wise person indeed) told me that someday I am going to look back on all of this and see all the blessings and lessons God was trying to show me and smile. I know she's right, and I don't want to wish my life away or anything, but I can't wait for that day.


Love Always,
Stefanie :)



P.S. On a side note....Even though I know many of you who are reading this are married or in a relationship, I do want to point out that this blog isn't just geared towards married women, in fact I think it's quite the opposite. I am not married, therefore I am no expert, I am just simply sharing with you all what I have learned through my own research and through reading the Bible. But I did find this article that a really good friend of mine shared with me titled Can I Still be a Proverbs 31 Woman if I'm Single?. This article pretty much explains why I am doing this blog. I know I explained it in the beginning, but just to reiterate, these virtues aren't just something that you automatically have as a woman, once you are married. Not at all, they are virtues that you should have from the beginning and you can put into practice once you are married and continue to perfect them in the years of your marriage. If anything, my blog is encouragement for both single and married women. I highly encourage you all to read that article because it really hits home!

Priorities...

What areas can you change in your own life so you can gain this character quality?

In order to truly possess the character quality of faithfulness with your husband you need to be able to say you are faithful to the Lord. In order to truly be a safe haven for your husband, you should first seek the Lord. In my opinion, it's a hierarchy: 1) God, 2) Husband, 3) Kids/Family. God should always be put first. As women, we should always seek to have a relationship with God first and then naturally things will fall into place in our relationship with our husband and then family. God did not intend for it to be any other way, like if you are putting your man at the top of the hierarchy and everyone/thing else second.

This is a daily effort for me. To constantly be putting God first. As a young woman in my 20's....it's hard to not constantly think about finding "The One" and to put that at the top of my to-do list. But that's what got me where I'm at now. I've just come to the realization that I am not in control of finding "The One", God is. Sometimes I think it would just be nice of Him to give me a quick glimpse to my future husband so I can stop every ounce of worry that goes through my head regarding that subject. I feel like it's not worth the worrying/overthinking/pondering, if I had control over the situation then it might be worth it but I don't have the control and so it's a waste of time to worry about it all. What it comes down to is I want to be faithful to God and by giving Him COMPLETE control and letting go of any of my worries and just giving it all to Him (Take it, God!) I am proving to Him that I want to be faithful. As I continue to tell myself this, God will continue to prove to me that He's got this. And in order to be completely faithful, that means getting rid of any ounce of doubt I have regarding God. I need to know 110% that he wants nothing but complete happiness for me and there should be absolutely no doubt in my mind. THAT is part of being faithful to God: Putting Him first but also trusting in Him with absolutely no doubt in your mind that He will provide for you. 

I truly feel that right now God is asking me to work on my priorities, if I can learn to put Him first in all areas of my life, then it will come naturally when I am married (down the road) to put him above my husband. It can be so easy for me, when in a relationship, to put the guy on a pedestal and have everything else come second. I imagine lots of girls do that exact same thing (or I hope I'm not the only one anyway). That's not what God expects of me though. I want to reach His expectations of me so that someday I will be able to reach my husband's expectations as well. In other words he will be able to trust me and know that I am faithful. It should be clear not just in my words but in my actions as well. I want it to be obvious what or who my priorities are. So for this scripture I want to improve in making God a priority in all areas of my life. 

Confidence & Trust

Proverbs 31:11 "Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life."

I won't lie...when I first read this scripture, I was like, "Okay what am I to get out of this exactly?" Now, after doing lots of research, I see there is LOTS I can get out of this scripture....I may need to break this down into many different posts so you can get the full extent of it as well.

The virtue you are to posess in this scripture is Faithfulness. What this scripture is saying is when a man has full confidence in his wife he isn't lacking anything of value. As a wife if you can be solid emotionally and spiritually, then there is no doubt that your husband/spouse can rest on you for steady support, always. In the workbook I am using, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, it gives 7 areas in which your husband/spouse should be able to trust you with:

1. Money--do you spend your money wisely?
2. Children--are you able to be trusted raising kids wisely?
3. Home--Are you able to run an orderly home?
4. Reputation--can your husband trust you to not speak poorly of him behind his back?
5. Faithfulness--can your husband trust you to not build emotional connections with other men?
6. Emotions--can you control yourself when under pressure?
7. Choices--can you be trusted to make wise choices when urgent situations arise?

There is a lot I want to say regarding these 7 key areas to earning your husband's trust, but that will take a whole nother blog post (tomorrow night). These 7 things should come easily to all women, I believe. But it takes work, and if you look at it in a positive light, you are doing work to glorify God in your marriage/relationship, then it's all worth it. You are becoming a Proverbs 31 woman! 

The bottom line of this scripture is that your husband/significant other should know that you are a safe and secure place for him to go to at the end of the day, where he can let down his walls, express his fears and failures, express his dreams and worries, and lay down his burdens and desires. Ask your husband if he is secure in letting his walls down and laying it all out there? He should not have to think twice before expressing himself to you, it should be an open and judgment free environment for both of you. If he has to sugarcoat what he says or be careful about what he shares, that's not a trusting or safe place for him and it's not fair to him. He deserves the best, and he chose you, so honor that decision by giving him that safe and secure environment that this scripture is pointing to. 

I may not be married, I may be a single woman, but I will still work towards posessing these qualities every day. I want my future spouse to be able to know without a doubt that he can trust me in every way, shape, and form. I want to be that safe place for him to go to at the end of the day. I want him to never hesitate to be open to me about his fears/failures/hopes/dreams/burdens. I want to hear it all. I want him to know that the words I speak about him, behind his back, are only ever praises. I want him to know that I am not only faithful to him but faithful to God as well. But the best way to truly prove this to a spouse is through our actions. None of us are perfect, we don't always make the best choices in life (I'll even admit to that!) but we need to strive to be that Proverbs 31 woman for our spouse. So now you need to ask yourself (and I am doing the same), "What areas can I change in my own life so that I can gain this character quality?" Commit to it. Pray about it. And put it into action.

Love Always,

Stefanie :)

Gossip: Be Strong & Courageous

After almost a week of trying to put that first virtue into action I must say it is a humbling experience. While I found myself successful at decreasing the Personal Time Waster's, and focusing more on my inner beauty, I see how often gossip has become an easy habit to fall into more often than not. The definition of gossip is: "idle talk; rumor; talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature". When waitressing on Friday nights, seeing local townspeople and friends, yeah it's easy to fall into that trap of gossip (rumors in a small town, talking personal about others.....yea I know it's hard to believe, but it happens!). Not only have I noticed my bad habit of gossiping but I see that quality more in others who do it as well (which is only natural I think). But I also think, that we naturally see others' faults and downfalls way easier than we see our own. I did say this was a humbling experience, but I am becoming more comfortable recognizing these weak spots in myself and being more willing to change them to glorify God. It seems like ever since I put it into words that I wanted to work on getting out of the habit of gossiping that God has been putting me in situations where I have to actively work at it (why would He do that?! LOL). 

A little bit of encouragement I want to give you is this: while it is easy to use the excuse, "Hey, everybody gossips, I'm not the only one, so what's the big deal?" This challenge is about standing out from others, therefore I am choosing to stand out and the best way to do that is to cease my gossip for starters. If you truly want to be "worth more than rubies" it is worth cutting out those nasty habits. This means not gossiping about other women (easier said than done) and not gossiping about your spouse/significant other. If you wouldn't make that comment you are about to say to your friend or spouse then don't say it to anyone else is the rule I am trying to live by. If saying those words would embarass that person then it's best left unsaid. If I truly want my future spouse to see me as a "treasure", "rare", and "priceless", then I want to decrease this habit. And I hope I'm not the only one who sees the importance in that. 

From here on out I will ask myself: "Do I really need to say anything int his situation, or do I just want ot hear myself talk?"  Another thing to ask yourself is "Are my words going to lead to gossip or to God?" 

As the week went on I also did more research on this scripture (Proverbs 31:10). Let me remind you that this scripture is encouragement for women to have noble character. While my version says, "noble" other versions that I've looked up say, "Who can find a woman of strength?" This referring to moral strength. I like to think I stand firm in my morals and beliefs. When a woman has strength in character it also means she fears God, loves truth, and hates sin. This is something I've seen myself grow in lately. Especially since starting this blog I have become more of a God-fearing woman, I am more firm in the truth, and hating sin more. It is so crazy to me how starting this blog has slowly started to change my perspective on things. It's not just changing how I see myself but it's changing the way I look at others and changing my daily perspective in general. Those are all good things! (I had no idea that this blog would be such a blessing for me!)

When others notice a woman of noble character (God-fearing, loves the truth, and hates sin), someone who truly posesses those things, it will seem unusual at first, I think. I mean it is so normal for us all to be weak in our morals every once and a while. But to stand firm in your morals, that takes strength. In the big picture, standing firm in those beliefs will only lead to more respect from others, especially that future spouse. It truly takes courage to stand firm in your morals and beliefs so this verse is almost about being a courageous woman. It's easy to be courageous and noble from day to day but the times when it is most hard to live those qualities out is in times of trials and tribulations. That is when you are truly put to the test with these qualities I believe. Honestly, what it comes down to is knowing that you will never have enough strength to get through those trials/tribulations with your own human abilities/qualities, that is why we rely on God and trust in Him to give us strength. Because, at the end of the day, you can't get through them without God. I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it weren't for my trials I've been through but I also wouldn't have the strength I have today if God hadn't carried me through those trials. 

Rare Like a Ruby!

Proverbs 31:10 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."

Rubies, during biblical times, I imagine are like what diamonds are for women today. Rare to recieve, extraordinary to look at, a treasure to hold. Is there such a woman out there who is worth more than that?? Who is extraordinary, a treasure, and rare? Can I become that woman?? I mean, I won't lie, I like to think I'm pretty extraordinary and rare....but the point is for my future spouse to see those characteristics in me. Afterall, this verse is written for a man to find his future wife with these qualities. In order to truly be worth more than rubies....I first need to possess a NOBLE character.

no·ble

  (nō′bəl)
Having or showing qualities of high moral character, such as courage, generosity, or honor.

Out of the book that I'm reading for this challenge, The Proverbs 31 Woman: One Virtue at a Time, it tells me what a woman of noble character does NOT look like (and let me tell you, after reading through this list, I was kind of put in my place):

1. She does not rival towards her husband
2. She does not mope around and complain about housework
3. She does not overspend and put herself into debt
4. She is not bored, discontent, greedy, or selfish
5. She does not gossip and slander others
6. She does not spend her days doing leisurely shopping, texting, emailing, web browsing, watching late night movies, and sleeping in
7. She does not criticize, mock, or disrespect her husband
8. She is not easily embarassed by her children/husband
9. She does not let her outer beauty take precedence over her inner beauty
10. She does not take God's word lightly

So after reading through this list I had to set the book down and really think about some of these characteristics that do NOT make up a noble woman. Now, I can honestly say I do good with 3/4 of these characteristics. But if I'm being honest, and I think I owe that to my readers/followers, I definitely need to work on at least 3 of these to be able to truly say I am a noble woman.

Not that it's out of the ordinary for a woman to gossip, but I definitely need to get out of that habit. The point in doing this challenge is to be extraordinary. I don't want to be ordinary just like every other woman. When I really think about it, nothing good comes out of gossiping, maybe I feel a sense of relief from getting it off of my shoulders but when you look at the big picture, does it accomplish anything?!........No

#6 is a doozy for me.....boy do I do this stuff a lot! I call them Personal Time Wasters (PTW's). My random checks on facebook on and off throughout the day. Texting friends/family "just because" during down time in my day. Sending pointless snapchats to girlfriends. Browsing on Etsy or Amazon to see what I can find. I'm a night owl, and my guilty pleasure is watching a couple episodes/re-runs of Modern Family every night before bed which keeps me up later than I should. Do these things make me a bad person? No. Do they take my focus away from my job? Yes. It's hard to work purposefully when I am putting my focus towards those Personal Time Wasters every so often. This is a habit I have often told myself to do less of, and now I can see I will have to put more effort into changing those habits. I may even come to realize that I'll gain a lot of time back to get more work done, since I often complain I never have enough time to do certain things. 

Lastly, I do often put more of an effort into my outer beauty than my inner beauty. I won't leave the house unless my make-up is on, I want to look stylish if I'm going out into public, and I need to be put together. Not that any of that is going to change, but from here on out I am going to make sure that others see the inner beauty and I want to make that more obvious than my outer beauty. I pray every day on my way to work and in part of my prayers I always say, "Let others see the light shine through me and know that the light comes from You, Lord." 

I think to truly put this first virtue into action, I need to pray to God to humble me (first and foremost) and allow me to see my flaws and be willing to change them for the better. That may start with me changing my attitude a little, my thought patterns, my work ethic, my words, and what I spend my time on. In my eyes, it's TOTALLY do-able! If it means making me rare, extraordinary, and a treasure to my future spouse, I will accept that challenge. What woman wouldn't want to be treasured by her husband?

Proverbs 31: The Breakdown

The following passage is Proverbs 31: 10-31 and is what my entire journey will be based on. For my study I am reading out of a new bible I received from my mom called, The Message (The Bible in Contemporary Language) but normally I would recommend NLT because I feel it's easier to understand; it seems to simplify the words a little bit and put them into language that is easier to understand. So for the sake of format, the following passage is taken straight from NLT.

A Wife of Noble Character

10Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?

She is more precious than rubies.

11Her husband can trust her,

and she will greatly enrich his life.

12She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13She finds wool and flax

and busily spins it.

14She is like a merchant’s ship,

bringing her food from afar.

15She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household

and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.

16She goes to inspect a field and buys it;

with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17She is energetic and strong,

a hard worker.

18She makes sure her dealings are profitable;

her lamp burns late into the night.

19Her hands are busy spinning thread,

her fingers twisting fiber.

20She extends a helping hand to the poor

and opens her arms to the needy.

21She has no fear of winter for her household,

for everyone has warm clothes.

22She makes her own bedspreads.

She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.

23Her husband is well known at the city gates,

where he sits with the other civic leaders.

24She makes belted linen garments

and sashes to sell to the merchants.

25She is clothed with strength and dignity,

and she laughs without fear of the future.

26When she speaks, her words are wise,

and she gives instructions with kindness.

27She carefully watches everything in her household

and suffers nothing from laziness.

28Her children stand and bless her.

Her husband praises her:

29“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,

but you surpass them all!”

30Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;

but a woman who fears the lord will be greatly praised.

31Reward her for all she has done.

Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

These 21 verses are examples of how we should behave as women of God. So that is my goal, to work towards possessing these qualities. I used to think that I would work on this some day down the road, you know, after I'm married and can actually put them into better use? But the truth of the matter is that having a ring on the finger and getting married does not automatically make you this amazing wife/husband that you thought you'd instantly become. If these qualities aren't within you before marriage, more than likely they won't be in you after marriage either. With that said, I want to be able to possess these qualities now and be able to hopefully master them down the road when I get married.


Love Always,
Stefanie :)